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Kiss Me Kate
Music and Lyrics by COLE PORTER
ACT ONE
1.OVERTURE
THE ORCHESTRA
2.ANOTHER OP'NIN' ANOTHER SHOW
PAUL & ENSEMBLE:
Another op'nin', another show
In Philly, Boston or Baltimo',
A chance for stage folks to say hello,
Another op'nin' of another show.
Another job that you hope, at last,
Will make your future forget your past,
Another pain where the ulcers grow,
Another op'nin' of another show.
Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse,
Three weeks and it couldn't be worse,
One week, will it ever be right?
Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night!
The overture is about to start,
You cross your fingers and hold your heart,
It's curtain time and away we go!
Another op'nin',
Just another op'nin' of another show.
Another op'nin', another show
In Philly, Boston or Baltimo',
A chance for stage folks to say hello,
Another op'nin' of another show.
Another job that you hope, at last,
Will make your future forget your past,
Another pain where the ulcers grow,
Another op'nin' of another show.
Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse,
Three weeks and it couldn't be worse,
One week, will it ever be right?
Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night!
The overture is about to start,
You cross your fingers and hold your heart,
It's curtain time and away we go!
Another op'nin',
Just another op'nin' of another show.
3.WHY CAN'T YOU BEHAVE?
LOIS LANE:
Why can't you behave?
Oh, why can't you behave?
After all the things you told me
And the promises that you gave,
Oh, why can't you behave?
Why can't you be good?
And do just as you should?
Won't you turn that new leaf over
So your baby can be your slave?
Oh, why can't you behave?
There's a farm I know near my old home town,
Where we two can go and try settlin' down.
There I'll care for you forever,
Well, at least 'til you dig my grave.
Oh, why can't you behave?
BILL:
Gee, I need you, kid!
LOIS LANE:
I always knew you did,
But why can't you behave?
4.WUNDERBAR
LILLI & FRED:
Wunderbar, wunderbar!
There's our fav'rite star above.
What a bright, shining star,
Like our love, it's wunderbar!
FRED:
Gazing down on the Jungfrau
LILLI:
From our secret chalet for two,
FRED:
Let us drink, Liebchen mein,
LILLI:
In the moonlight benign,
LILLI & FRED:
To the joy of our dream come true.
LILLI & FRED:
Wunderbar, wunderbar!
FRED:
What a perfect night for love.
LILLI:
Here am I, here you are,
FRED:
Why it's truly wunderbar!
LILLI & FRED:
Wunderbar, wunderbar!
FRED:
We're alone and hand in glove,
LILLI:
Not a cloud near or far,
FRED:
Why, it's more than wunderbar!
LILLI:
Say you care, dear,
FRED:
For you madly,
LILLI:
Say you long, dear,
FRED:
For your kiss,
LILLI:
Do you swear, dear?
FRED:
Darling, gladly,
LILLI:
Life's divine, dear!
FRED:
And you're mine, dear!
LILLI & FRED:
Wunderbar, wunderbar!
FRED:
There's our fav'rite star above.
LILLI & FRED:
What a bright, shining star,
Like our love, it's wunderbar!
5.SO IN LOVE
LILLI:
Strange, dear, but true, dear,
When I'm close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you
My arms fold about you.
You know, darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there.
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you might care.
So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours 'til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.
So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours 'til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.
6.WE OPEN IN VENICE
BIANCA, LUCENTIO, GREMIO & HORTENSIO:
A troupe of strolling players are we,
Not stars like L.B. Mayer's are we,
But just a simple band
Who roams about the land
Dispensing fol-de-rol frivolity.
Mere folk who give distraction are we,
No Theater Guild attraction are we,
But just a crazy group
That never ceases to troop
Around the map of little Italy.
We open in Venice,
We next play Verona,
Then on to Cremona.
Lotsa laughs in Cremona.
Our next jump is Parma,
That dopey, mopey menace,
Then Mantua, then Padua,
Then we open again, where?
We open in Venice,
We next play Verona,
Then on to Cremona.
Lotsa bars in Cremona.
Our next jump is Parma,
That beerless, cheerless menace,
Then Mantua, then Padua,
Then we open again, where?
We open in Venice,
We next play Verona,
Then on to Cremona.
Lotsa dough in Cremona.
Our next jump is Parma,
That stingy, dingy menace,
Then Mantua, then Padua,
Then we open again, where?
We open in Venice,
We next play Verona,
Then on to Cremona.
Lotsa quail in Cremona.
Our next jump is Parma,
That heartless, tartless menace,
Then Mantua, then Padua,
Then we open again, where?
In Venice.
7.TOM, DICK OR HARRY
Verse
GREMIO:
I've made a haul in all the leading rackets
From which rip-roarin' rich I happen to be,
And if thou wouldst attain the upper brackets,
Marry me, marry me, marry me.
LUCENTIO:
My purse has yet to know a silver lining,
Still lifeless in my wifeless family tree,
But if for love unending thou art pining,
Marry me, marry me, marry me.
HORTENSIO:
I cOme to thee a thoroughbred patrician
Still spaying my decaying family tree.
To give a social goose to thy position,
Marry me, marry me, marry me.
Marry me!
GREMIO & LUCENTIO:
Marry me!
HORTENSIO:
Marry me!
GREMIO & HORTENSIO:
Marry me!
LUCENTIO:
Marry me!
GREMIO:
Marry me!
3 SUITORS:
Marry me!
Refrain 1
BIANCA:
I'm a maid who would marry
And will take with no qualm
Any Tom, Dick or Harry,
Any Harry, Dick or Tom,
I'm a maid mad to marry
And will take double-quick
Any Tom, Dick or Harry,
Any Tom, Harry or Dick.
Refrain 2
GREMIO:
I'm the man thou shouldst marry.
BIANCA:
Howdy, Pop!
GREMIO:
Howdy, Mom.
LUCENTIO:
I'm the man thou shouldst marry.
BIANCA:
Art thou Harry, Dick or Tom?
HORTENSIO:
I'm the man thou shouldst marry.
BIANCA:
Howdy, pal!
HORTENSIO:
Howdy, chick!
BIANCA:
Art thou Tom, Dick or Harry?
HORTENSIO:
Call me Tom, Harry or Dick.
Refrain 3
BIANCA & SUITORS:
I'm (She's) a maid who would marry
And would no longer tarry,
I'm (She's) a maid who would marry,
May my hopes not miscarry!
I'm (She's) a maid mad marry
And will take double-quick
Any Tom, Dick or Harry,
Any Tom, Harry or Dick.
Dick, dick, dick,
A dicka dick,
Dick, dick, dick,
A dicka dick,
Dick, dick, dick,
A dicka dick,
Dick, dick, dick,
A dicka dick!
8.I'VE COME TO WIVE IT WEALTHILY IN PADUA
PETRUCHIO:
I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua,
If wealthily then happily in Padua.
If my wife has a bag of gold,
Do I care if the bag be old?
I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
ENSEMBLE:
He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
PETRUCHIO:
I heard you mutter, "Zounds, a loathsome lad you are."
I shall not be disturbed one bit
If she be but a quarter-wit,
If she only can talk of clo'es
While she powders her goddamned nose,
I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
ENSEMBLE:
He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
PETRUCHIO:
I heard you say, "Gadzooks, completely mad you are!"
'Twouldn't give me the slightest shock
If her knees now and then should knock,
If her eye were a wee bit crossed,
Were she wearing the hair she'd lost,
Still the damsel I'll make my dame,
In the dark they are all the same,
I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
ENSEMBLE:
He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
PETRUCHIO:
I heard you say, "Good gad, but what a cad you are!"
Do I mind if she fret and fuss,
If she fume like Vesuvius,
If she roar like a winter breeze
On the rough Adriatic seas,
If she screams like a teething brat,
If she scratch like a tiger cat,
If she fight like a raging boar,
I have oft stuck a pig before,
I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
ENSEMBLE:
With a hunny, nunny, nunny,
And a hey, hey, hey,
PETRUCHIO:
Not to mention money, money
For a rainy day,
PETRUCHIO & ENSEMBLE:
I (He's) come to wive it wealthily in Padua.
9.I HATE MEN
KATHARINE:
I hate men.
I can't abide 'em even now and then.
Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a virgin rather,
For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother.
Of course, I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father,
But I hate men.
Of all the types I've ever met within our democracy,
I hate most the athlete with his manner bold and brassy,
He may have hair upon his chest but, sister, so has Lassie.
Oh, I hate men!
I hate men.
Their worth upon this earth I dinna ken.
Avoid the trav'ling salesman though a tempting
Tom he may be,
From China he will bring you jade and perfume from Araby,
But don't forget 'tis he who'll have the fun and thee the baby,
Oh I hate men.
If thou shouldst wed a businessman, be wary, oh, be wary.
He'll tell you he's detained in town on business necessary,
His bus'ness is the bus'ness which he gives his secretary,
Oh I hate men!
10.WERE THINE THAT SPECIAL FACE
PETRUCHIO:
Were thine that special face
The face that fills my dreaming,
Were thine the rhythm'd grace,
Were thine the form so lithe and slender,
Were thine the arms so warm, so tender,
Were thine the kiss divine,
Were thine the love for me,
The love which fills my dreaming,
When all these charms are thine
Then you'll be mine, all mine.
I wrote a poem
In classic style.
I wrote it with my tongue in my cheek
And my lips in a smile.
But of late my poem
Has a meaning so new,
For to my surprise
It suddenly applies
To my darling--to you.
Were thine that special face
The face that feels my dreaming,
Were thine the rhythm'd grace,
Were thine the form so lithe and slender,
Were thine the arms so warm, so tender,
Were thine the kiss divine,
Were thine the love for me,
The love which fills my dreaming,
When all these charms are thine
Then you'll be mine, all mine.
When all these charms are thine
Then you'll be mine, all mine.
ACT TWO
11.TOO DARN HOT
PAUL:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
I'd like to sup with my baby tonight,
And play the pup with my baby tonight.
I'd like to sup with my baby tonight,
And play the pup with my baby tonight,
But I ain't up to my baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
PAUL:
I'd like to stop for my baby tonight,
And blow my top with my baby tonight.
I'd like to stop for my baby tonight,
And blow my top with my baby tonight,
But I'd be a flop with baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
PAUL:
I'd like to fool with my baby tonight,
Break ev'ry rule with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I'd like to fool with my baby tonight,
Break ev'ry rule with my baby tonight,
PAUL:
But, pillow, you'll be my baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
According to the Kinsey Report
Ev'ry average man you know
Much prefers to play his favorite sport
When the temperature is low,
But when the thermometer goes 'way up
And the weather is sizzling hot,
PAUL:
Mister Adam
For his madam.
Is not,
PAUL AND BOYS:
'Cause it's too, too
Too darn hot,
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
PAUL:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
I'd like to call on my baby tonight,
And give my all to my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I'd like to call on my baby tonight,
And give my all to my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But I can't play ball with baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
PAUL:
I'd like to meet with my baby tonight,
Get off my feet, mm, with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I'd like to meet with my baby tonight,
Get off my feet with my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But no repeat with baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It's too darn hot,
It's too darn hot.
PAUL:
I'd like to coo to my baby tonight,
And pitch the woo with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I'd like to coo to my baby tonight,
And pitch the woo with my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But, pillow, you'll be my baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
According to the Kinsey Report
Ev'ry average man you know
Much prefer to play his favorite sport
When the temperature is low,
But when the thermometer goes 'way up
And the weather is sizzling hot,
PAUL:
Mister Gob
For his squab.
A marine,
For his queen.
A G.I.
For his cutie-pie
Is not,
PAUL AND BOYS:
'Cause it's too, too
Too darn hot,
It's too darn hot,
It's too, too, too, too darn hot.
12.WHERE IS THE LIFE THAT LATE I LED?
PETRUCHIO:
Since I reached the charming age of puberty
And began to finger feminine curls,
Like a show that's typically Shuberty
I have always a multitude of girls,
But now that a married man, at last, am I,
How aware of my dear, departed past am I.
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
A married life may all be well,
But raising an heir
Could never compare
With raising a bit of hell,
So I repeat what first I said,
Where is the life that late I led?
In dear Milano, where are you, Momo,
Still selling those pictures of the Scriptures in the Duomo?
And, Carolina, where are you, Lina,
Still peddling your pizza in the streets o' Taormina?
And in Firenze, where are you, Alice,
Still there in your pretty, itty-bitty Pitti Palace?
And sweet Lucretia, so young and gay-ee?
What scandalous doin's in the ruins of Pompeii!
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
The marriage game is quite all right,
Yes, during the day
It's easy to play
But, oh, what a bore at night,
So I repeat what first I said
Where is the life that late I?
Where is Rebecca, my Becki-weckio,
Again is she cruising that amusing Ponte Vecchio?
Where is Fedora, the wild virago?
It's lucky I missed her gangster sister from Chicago.
Where is Venetia, who loved to chat so,
Could still she be drinkin' in her stinkin' pink palazzo?
And lovely Lisa, where are you, Lisa?
You gave a new meaning to the leaning tow'r of Pisa.
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
I've oft been told of nuptial bliss,
But what do you do,
A quarter to two,
With only a shrew to kiss?
So I repeat what first I said,
Where is the life that late I led?
13.ALWAYS TRUE TO YOU IN MY FASHION
LOIS:
Oh, Bill,
Why can't you behave?
Why can't you behave?
How in hell can you be jealous
When you know, baby, I'm your slave?
I'm just mad for you,
And I'll always be,
But naturally
If a custom-tailored vet
Asks me out for something wet,
When the vet begins to pet, I cry "Hooray!"
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
I enjoy a tender pass
By the boss of Boston, Mass.,
Though his pass is middle-class and notta Backa Bay.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
There's a madman known as Mack
Who is planing to attack,
If his mad attack means a Cadillac, okay!
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
I've been asked to have a meal
By a big tycoon in steel,
If the meal includes a deal, accept I may.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
I could never curl my lip
To a dazzlin' diamond clip,
Though the clip meant "let 'er rip," I'd not say "Nay!"
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
There's an oil man known as Tex
Who is keen to give me checks,
And his checks, I fear, mean that sex is here to stay!
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
From Ohio Mister Thorne
Calls me up from night 'til morn,
Mister Thorne once cornered corn and that ain't hay.
Aha!
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
From Milwaukee Mister Fritz
Often moves me to the Ritz,
Mister Fritz is full of Schlitz and full of play.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
Mister Harris, plutocrat,
Wants to give my cheek a pat,
If the Harris pat
Means a Paris hat,
Bébé, Oo-la-la!
Mais je suis toujour fidèle, darlin', in my fashion,
Oui, je suis toujour fidèle, darlin', in my way.
14.BIANCA
BILL:
While rehearsing with Bianca
(She's the darling I adore),
Offstage I found
She's been around
But I still love her more and more;
So I've written her a love song
Though I'm just an amateur.
I'll sing it through
For all of you
To see if it's worthy of her.
Are yuh list'nin'?
Bianca, Bianca,
Oh, baby, will you be mine?
Bianca, Bianca,
You'd better answer yes or Poppa spanka.
To win you, Bianca,
There's nothing I would not do.
I would gladly give up coffee for Sanka,
Even Sanka, Bianca, for you.
15.SO IN LOVE (REPRISE)
FRED:
Strange, dear, but true, dear,
When I'm close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you
My arms fold about you.
You know, darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there.
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you could care.
So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours 'til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.
16.BRUSH UP YOUR SHAKESPEARE
MOBSTERS:
The girls today in society
Go for classical poetry,
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides.
But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'
Is the poet people call
The bard of Stratford-on-Avon.
Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
Just declaim a few lines from "Othella"
And they think you're a helluva fella.
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer ,
If she fights when her clothes you are mussing,
What are clothes? "Much Ado About Nussing."
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.
With the wife of the British embessida
Try a crack out of "Troilus and Cressida,"
If she says she won't buy it or tike it
Make her tike it, what's more, "As You Like It."
If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the "Coriolanus."
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow,
And they'll all kowtow,
And they'll all kowtow.
17.I'M ASHAMED THAT WOMEN ARE SO SIMPLE
KATAHARINE:
I am ashamed the women a so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
So, wife, hold your temper and meekly put
Your hand 'neath the sole of your husband's foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready,
Ready,
May it do him ease.
18.FINALE (SO KISS ME, KATE)
PETRUCHIO:
So kiss me, Kate,
KATE:
Caro!
PETRUCHIO:
and twice and thrice,
KATE:
Carissimo!
PETRUCHIO:
Ere we start
KATE:
Bello!
PETRUCHIO:
Living in paradise.
KATE:
Bellissimo!
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
Oh, kiss me (him), Kate,
KATE:
Presto!
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
Darling angel, divine!
KATE:
Prestissimo!
PETRUCHIO:
For now thou shall ever be
KATE:
Now thou shall ever be
PETRUCHIO & MEN:
Now thou shall ever be
KATE & GIRLS:
Now thou shall ever be
PETRUCHIO:
Mine,
KATE:
Mine,
PETRUCHIO &KATE:
Darling mine,
KATE:
And I am thine, and I am thine
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
And I am (she is) thine, and I am (she is) thine
ALL:
All thine!
[CURTAIN]