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Oliver

Original 1963 lyrics
Book, Music and Lyrics by Lionel Bart


FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty-four
All we ever get is gru...el!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru...el!
There's not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine
Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood
Cold jelly and custard!
Pease pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question.
Rich gentlemen have it, boys:
In-di-gestion!
Food, glorious food!
We're anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day --
Our favourite diet!
Just picture a great big steak --
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Glorious food.
Food, glorious food!
What is there more handsome?
Gulped, swallowed or chewed --
Still worth a king's ransom!
What is it we dream about?
What brings on a sigh?
Piled peaches and cream, about
Six feet high!
Food, glorious food!
Eat right through the menu.
Just loosen your belt
Two inches and then you
Work up a new appetite.
In this interlude --
Then food,
Once again, food
Fabulous food,
Glorious food!
Food, glorious food!
Don't care what it looks like:
Burned, underdone, crude --
Don't care what the cook's like.
Just thinking of growing fat --
Our senses go reeling.
One moment of knowing that
Full-up feeling!
Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for.
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Fabulous food,
Beautiful food,
Glorious food!
OLIVER!   
MR. BUMBLE:
For what you are about to receive May the Lord make you truly thankful.
BOYS:  
Amen.
OLIVER:  
Please, Sir, I want some more.
MR. BUMBLE:  
What?
OLIVER:  
Please, Sir, I want some more.
MR. BUMBLE:
More!
WIDOW CORNEY:
Catch him!
MR. BUMBLE:
Snatch him!
WIDOW CORNEY:
Hold him!
MR. BUMBLE:
Scold him!
WIDOW CORNEY:
Pounce him! Trounce him! Pick him up and bounce him!
MR. BUMBLE:
Wait! Before we put the boy to task May I be so curious as to ask His name?
BOYS:
O-li-ver
WIDOW CORNEY AND MR. BUMBLE:
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE:
Never before has a boy wanted more!
MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY:
Oliver! Oliver!
 MR. BUMBLE:
Won't ask for more when he knows what's in store. There a dark, thin, winding Stairway without any bannister Which we'll throw him down, and  Feed him on cockroaches Served in a canister
ALL:
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE:
What will he do When he's turned black and blue? He will curse the day Somebody named him
ALL:
O-li-ver!
MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY:
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE:
Never before has a boy wanted more!
MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY:
Oliver! Oliver!
WIDOW CORNEY:
He won't ask for more When he knows what's in store.
MR. BUMBLE:
There's a sooty chimney Long overdue for a sweeping out Which we'll push him up, And one day next year With the rats he'll be creeping out!
ALL:  
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE:
What will her do In this terrible stew? He will rue the day Somebody named him...
ALL:  
O-li-ver!

I SHALL SCREAM
WIDOW CORNEY:  
Mr. Bumble, I shall scream!
MR. BUMBLE:
No, you wouldn't, heigh-ho. If I wanted something special, Then you couldn't say "no". Did I nearly catch you smiling? Yes I did, and it's beguiling. If your hand is close, I'll press it. Yes, you like it -- come confess it! Yes, you do.
WIDOW CORNEY:  
No, I don't.
MR. BUMBLE:
Yes, you do!
WIDOW CORNEY:  
I shall scream! I shall scream! Til they hasten to my rescue, I shall scream.
MR. BUMBLE:
Since there's nobody that's near us Who can see us or can hear us, If I ask you can I kiss you Say what will my pretty miss do?
WIDOW CORNEY:  
I shall scream, scream, scream!
MR. BUMBLE:
If I pinch you one pinch -- From you shy protective shell, Can I un-inch you one inch? Will my blithesome, buxom beauty  Let her suitor do his duty? Though his lap ain't very large, dear Sit upon it -- there's no charge, dear. Will you sit?
WIDOW CORNEY:  
No, I shan't
MR. BUMBLE:  
Will you sit?
WIDOW CORNEY:  
I shall scream! I shall scream! For the safety of my virtue I shall scream. Though your knee is rather cozy, See my cheeks are getting rosy. You would have me in your power. If I sat here for an hour.
MR. BUMBLE (gasping under her weight):  
I shall scream, scream, scream!
WIDOW CORNEY (getting off his lap):
You're a naughty bad man, If you think I can't be proper, Prim and haughty -- I can And you'll pardon if I mention You must state your true intention. How?
MR. BUMBLE:  
Is there not another room here?
WIDOW CORNEY  (regretfully):  
No.
MR. BUMBLE:
If there were a bride and groom here -- Would there be?
WIDOW CORNEY:  
Well, there might.
MR. BUMBLE:  
We shall see.
WIDOW CORNEY:
I shall scream! I shall scream! At the thought of what you're thinking,  I shall scream!
MR. BUMBLE:
You will wonder where that scream went When we come to an agreement. As my lovey-dove is chubby, Could she love a chubby hubby?
WIDOW CORNEY:  
I shall scream, Mr. Bumble! I shall scream, Bumble-Wumble! I shall scream, scream (what, now?) scream! (Kiss).

BOY FOR SALE
One boy,
Boy for sale.
He's going cheap.
Only seven guineas.
That or thereabouts.
Small boy,
Rather pale
From lack of sleep.
Feed him gruel dinners;
Stop him getting stout.
If I should say he wasn't very greedy,
I could not, I'd be telling you a tale.
One boy,
Boy for sale.
Come take a peep.
Have you ever seen
As nice a boy for sale?
THAT'S YOUR FUNERAL
MR. BUMBLE:
He's a born undertaker's mute: I can see him in his black silk suit Following behind the funeral procession With his features fixed in a suitable expression. There'll be horses with tall black plumes To escort us to the family tombs, With mourners In all corners Who've been taught to weep in tune.  Then the coffin lined with satin. That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY:
Large enough to wear your hat in. That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY:  
We're just here to glamorize you for that  Endless sleep.
MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY:
You might just as well look fetching  When you're six feet deep.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:  
At the wake we'll drink a toddy To the body beautiful.
MR. SOWERBERRY:
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
Not our funeral.
MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY:
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY:  
If you're fond of overeating That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:  
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY:  
Starve yourself by undereating That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE:
That's my funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
Visualize the earth descending on you clod by clod. You can't come back when you're buried Underneath the sod.
MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY:
We will not reduce our prices. Keep your vices usual.
SOWERBERRY:  
That's your funeral
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
Not our funeral.
ALL:  
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE:  
I don't think this song is funny.
SOWERBERRY:  
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE:  
Here's the boy, now where's the money?
SOWERBERRY:  
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY:
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE:  
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY:  
We don't harbour thoughts macabre, There's no need to frown
MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY:
In the end we'll either burn you up or nail you down. We love coughs and wheezes And diseases called incurable. That's your funeral. No one else's funeral.
SOWERBERRY:  
That's your...
MRS. SOWERBERRY:  
That's your...
MR. & MRS. SOWERBERRY:
Funeral!


WHERE IS LOVE?
Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
Where is she
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's meant for only me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to.
Where,
Where is love?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to.
Where,
Where is love?

CONSIDER YOURSELF
DODGER:
Consider yourself at home. Consider yourself  one of the family. We've taken to you so strong, It's clear we're going to get along. Consider yourself well in. Consider yourself part of the furniture. There isn't a lot to spare. Who cares? Whatever we got we share!  If it should chance to be We should see Some harder days, Empty-larder days, Why grouse? Always a chance we'll meet Somebody to foot the bill, Then the drinks are on the house! Consider yourself our mate. We don't want to have no fuss, For after some consideration, we can state Consider yourself One of us!  Consider yourself...
OLIVER:
At home?
DODGER:  
Consider yourself...
 OLIVER:  
One of the family?
CAPTAIN:  
We've taken to you
OLIVER:  
So strong?
DODGER:  
It's clear we're
BOTH:  
Going to get along.
DODGER:  
Consider yourself...
OLIVER:  
Well in?
DODGER:  
Consider yourself...
OLIVER:
Part of the furniture?
BOTH:
There isn't a lot to spare! Who cares? Whatever we got we share.
 DODGER:
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah and uppity. There a cup o'tea for all. Only it's wise to be handy wiv' a rolling pin When the landlord comes to call!
 BOTH:
Consider yourself Our mate. We don't want to have no fuss, For after some consideration we can state Consider yourself One of us!
COMPANY:
Consider yourself at home. We've taken to you so strong. Consider yourself well in. There isn't a lot to spare  If it should chance to be We should see Some harder days -- Empty-larder days --  Why grouse? Always a chance we'll meet Somebody to foot the bill -- Then the drinks are on the house!  Consider yourself our mate. We don't want to have no fuss, For after some consideration, we can state Consider yourself One of us!  Consider yourself at home. Consider yourself  one of the family. We've taken to you so strong, It's clear we're going to get along.  Consider yourself well in, Consider yourself part of the furniture. There isn't a lot to spare. Who cares? Whatever we got we share!  If it should chance to be We should see Some harder days, Empty-larder days, Why grouse? Always a chance we'll meet Somebody to foot the bill, Then the drinks are on the house!  Consider yourself our mate. We don't want to have no fuss, For after some consideration, we can state Consider yourself One of us!

YOU'VE GOT TO PICK A POCKET OR TWO
FAGIN:  
Let's show Oliver how to do it, my dears. You see, Oliver, In this life, one thing counts:  In the bank, large amounts!  I'm afraid these don't grow on trees,  You've got to pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,  You've got to pick a pocket or two.
BOYS:  
Large amounts don't grow on trees.  You've got to pick a pocket or two.
FAGIN:  
Why should we break our backs  Stupidly paying tax?  Better get some untaxed income: Better pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys, You've got to pick a pocket or two. Sing, boys!
BOYS :  
Why should we all break our backs?  Better pick a pocket or two.
FAGIN :  
Charlie, take your hat off while you're in class!  Robin Hood, what a crook: Gave away all he took. Charity's fine, subscribe to mine. Get out and pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys, You've got to pick a pocket or two.
BOYS:  
Robin Hood was far too good. Get out and pick a pocket or two.
FAGIN:
Watch the beat, boys!  Take a tip from Bill Sikes: He can whip what he likes. I recall, he started small; He had to pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,  You've got to pick a pocket or two.
BOYS:  
We can be like old Bill Sikes If we pick a pocket or two.
FAGIN:
Pay attention!  Dear old gent passing by, Something nice takes his eye. Everything's clear, attack the rear! Get in and pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys, You've got to pick a pocket or two.
BOYS:  
Have no fear, attack the rear. Get in and pick a pocket or two.
FAGIN:
When I see someone rich,  Both my thumbs start to itch. Only to find some peace of mind I have to pick a pocket or two. You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,  You've got to pick a pocket or two.
BOYS:  
Just to find some peace of mind
FAGIN AND BOYS:
You have to pick a pocket or two!

IT'S A FINE LIFE
NANCY:
Small pleasures, small pleasures, Who would deny us these? Gin toddies -- large measures -- No skimping if you please! I rough it.  I love it. Life is a game of chance. I'll never tire of it -- Leading this merry dance. If you don't mind having to go without things, It's a fine life!
ALL :  
Fine life!
NANCY :  
And though it ain't all jolly old pleasure outings, It's a fine life!
ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:
When you've got someone to love, You forget your cares and strife. Let the prudes look down on us. Let the wide world frown on us. It's a fine, fine life!
BET and NANCY:
Who cares if straightlaces Sneer at us in the street? Fine airs and fine graces
NANCY:  
Don't have to sin to eat.
BET and NANCY:
We wander through London Who knows what we many find? There's pockets left undone On many a behind.
NANCY:  
If you don't mind taking it like it turns out, It's a fine life!
ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:  
And keep the candle burning until it burns out. It's a fine life!
 ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:
Though you sometimes do come by The occasional black eye, You can always cover one While he blacks the other one, But you don't dare cry.
BET:
No flounces, no feathers, No frills and furbelows. All winds and all weathers Ain't good for fancy clothes.
NANCY:  
These trappings,
BET:  
These tatters,
BET and NANCY:
These we can just afford.
NANCY:  
What future?
BET:  
What matters:
BET and NANCY:
We've got our bed and board.
NANCY:  
If you don't mind having to deal with Fagin, It's a fine life!
ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:
And though diseased rats threaten to bring the plague in, It's a fine life!
ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:  
But the grass is green and dense On the right side of the fence. And we take good care of it That we get our share of it
 ALL:
And we don't mean pence!
BET and NANCY:
If you don't mind having to like or lump it, It's a fine life!
ALL:  
Fine life!
NANCY:
Though there's no tea-sippin' and eatin' crumpet, It's a fine life!
ALL:
Fine life!
NANCY:
Not for me, the happy home: Happy husband, happy wife. Though it sometimes touches me, For the likes of such as me, Mine's a fine.
ALL:
Fine life!

I'D DO ANYTHING
NANCY:
Here, Dodge, have you seen the way the quality gentlemen treats their ladies?
DODGER:
Of course, I have.
NANCY:
Shall we show 'em how it's done?
DODGER:
Definitely.
FAGIN:
Oh, come on, Nancy, give us a free show on the stage!



BE  BACK SOON
FAGIN:
Good luck on your first job, Oliver, my dear. I shall be waiting for you 'ere when you come back.  You can go, but be back soon. You can go, but while you're working This place, I'm pacing 'round Until you're home, safe and sound.  Fare thee well, but be back soon. Who can tell where danger's lurking? Do not forget this tune: be back soon.
BOYS:
How could we forget How could we let Our dear old Fagin worry? We love him so, We'll come back home In, oh, such a great big hurry.
DODGER:  
It's him that pays the piper.
BOYS:
It's us that pipes his tune. So long, fare thee well, Pip! Pip! Cheerio! We'll be back soon.
FAGIN:
You can go but be back soon. You can go, but bring back plenty Of pocket handkerchieves; And you should be clever thieves. Whip it quick, and be back soon. There's a sixpence here for twenty: Ain't that a lovely tune? Be back soon.
DODGER:
Our pockets'll hold A watch of gold That chimes upon the hour.
BOYS:  
A wallet fat An old man's hat The crown jewels from the tower. We know the Bow Street Runners,
DODGER:
But they don't know this tune:
ALL:
So long, fare thee well. Pip! Pip! Cheerio! We'll be back soon.
FAGIN:
Cheerio, but be back soon. I dunno, somehow I'll miss you. I love you, that's why I  Say, "Cheerio" Not goodbye.  Don't be gone long Be back soon.  Give me one long last look, bless you. Remember our old tune: be back soon!
BOYS:
We must disappear, We'll be back here, Today, perhaps tomorrow. We'll miss you too It's sad but true That parting is such sweet sorrow.  And when we're in the distance You'll hear this whispered tune: So long, fare thee well Pip! Pip! Cheerio! We'll be back soon.



OOM-PAH-PAH
NANCY:
All right!  All right!  'Ere we go then!  There's a little ditty They're singin' in the city, Especially when they've been On the gin or the beer. If you've got the patience,  Your own imaginations 'll tell you just exactly what you want to hear:
ALL:
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! That's how it goes,  Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! Ev'ryone knows:
NANCY:
They all suppose what they want to suppose When they hear oom-pah-pah!  Mister Percy Snodgrass Would often have the odd glass --  But never when he thought anybody could see. Secretly he'd buy it, And drink it on the quiet, And dream he was an Earl Wiv' a girl on each knee!
ALL:
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! That's how it goes. Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! Ev'ryone knows:
NANCY:
What is the cause of his red shiny nose? Could it be oom-pah-pah?  Pretty little Sally Goes walkin' down the alley, Displays a pretty ankle to all of the men. They could see her garters, But not for free and gratis -- An inch or two, and then  She knows when to say when!
ALL:
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! That's how it goes. Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! Ev'ryone knows:
NANCY:
Whether it's hidden, or whether it shows -- It's the same, oom-pah-pah!  She was from the country, But now she's up a gum-tree -- She let a feller feed 'er, and lead 'er along. What's the use o' cryin'? She's made a bed to lie in. She's glad to bring a coin in, And join in this song!
ALL:
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! That's how it goes! Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! Ev'ryone knows:
NANCY:
She is no longer the same blushin' rose Ever since oom-pah-pah!  There's a little ditty They're singing in the city Especially when they've been On the gin or the beer. If you've got the patience,  Your own imaginations 'll tell you just exactly what you want to hear:
ALL:
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! That's how it goes,  Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah! Ev'ryone knows: They all suppose what they want to suppose When they hear oom-pah-pah!

MY NAME
SIKES:
Strong men tremble when they hear it!
They've got cause enough to fear it!
It's much blacker than they smear it!
Nobody mentions my name!
Rich men hold their five-pound notes out;
Saves me emptying their coats out.
They know I could tear their throats out
Just to live up to my name!
Wiv' me jimmy in me hand,
Let me see the man who dares
Stop me taking what I may;
He can start to say his prayers!
Biceps like an iron girder,
Fit for doing of a murder,
If I just so much as heard a
Bloke even whisper my name!
Bill Sikes!
Strong men tremble when they hear it!
They've got cause enough to fear it!
It's much blacker than they smear it!
Nobody mentions my name!
Some gent, slumming wiv' his valet,
Bumped into me in an alley.
Now is eyes'll never tally;
He'd never heard of my name!
One bloke used to boast a claim
He could take my name in vain.
Poor bloke, shame 'e was so green;
Never was 'e seen again!
Once bad -- what's the good of turning?
In hell, I'll be there a-burning;
Meanwhile, think of what I'm earning
All on account of my name!
What is it? What is it? What is it?  My name!

AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME
NANCY:
As long as he needs me -
Oh, yes, he does need me -
In spite of what you see,
I'm sure that he needs me.
Who else would love him still
When they've been used so ill?
He knows I always will
As long as he needs me.
I miss him so much
When he is gone,
But when he's near me
I don't let on
The way I feel inside,
The love I've got to hide.
The hell!  I've got my pride
As long as he needs me.
He doesn't say the things he should.
He acts the way he thinks he should.
But all the same, I'll play
This game his way.
As long as he needs me,
I know where I must be;
I'll cling on steadfastly
As long as he needs me.
As long as life is long,
I'll love him right or wrong,
And somehow, I'll be strong
As long as he needs me.
If you've been lonely
Then you will know
When someone needs you,
You love them so.
I won't betray his trust
Though people say I must.
I've got to stay true just
As long as he needs me.

WHO WILL BUY?
ROSE-SELLER:  
Who will buy my sweet red roses? Two blooms for a penny. Who will buy my sweet red roses? Two blooms for a penny.
MILKMAID:  
Will you buy any milk today, mistress? Any milk today, mistress?
ROSE-SELLER:  
Who will buy my sweet red roses?
MILKMAID:  
Any milk today, mistress?
ROSE-SELLER:
Two blooms for a penny.
STRAWBERRY-SELLER:  
Ripe strawberries, ripe! Ripe strawberries, ripe!





REVIEWING THE SITUATION
A man's got a heart, hasn't he?
Joking apart -- hasn't he?
And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint,
I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint.
I'm reviewing the situation:
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
All the trials and tribulation!
Better settle down and get meself a wife.
And a wife would cook and sew for me,
And come for me, and go for me,
And go for me and nag at me,
The fingers she will wag at me.
The money she will take from me.
A misery, she'll make from me...
I think I'd better think it out again!
A wife you can keep, anyway;
I'd rather sleep, anyway.
Left without anyone in the world,
And I'm starting from now,
So how to win friends and to influence people?
So how?
I'm reviewing the situation:
I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know:
Titled people -- with a station --
Who can help me make a real impressive show!
I will own a suite at Claridges,
And run a fleet of carriages,
And wave at all the duchesses
With friendliness, as much as is
Befitting of my new estate...
"Good morning to you, magistrate!" (beat)
I think I'd better think it out again.
So where shall I go -- somebody?
Who do I know? Nobody!
All my dearest companions
Have always been villains and thieves.
So at my time of life I should start
Turning over new leaves?
I'm reviewing the situation:
If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob!
Is it such a humiliation
For a robber to perform an honest job?
So a job I'm getting, possibly,
I wonder who the boss'll be?
I wonder if he'll take to me?
What bonuses he'll make to me?
I'll start at eight and finish late,
At normal rate, and all, but wait!
I think I'd better think it out again.
What happens when I'm seventy?
Must come a time, seventy.
When you're old, and it's cold
And who cares if you live or you die?
The one consolation's the money
You may have put by.
I'm reviewing the situation:
I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay!
You'll be seeing no transformation,
But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way.
I don't want nobody hurt for me,
Or made to do the dirt for me.
This rotten life is not for me.
It's getting far too hot for me.
Don't want no one to rob for me.
But who will find a job for me.
There is no in between for me,
But who will change the scene for me?
I think I'd better think it out again!

AS LONG AS HE NEEDS ME (REPRISE)
NANCY:
He doesn't act as though he cares,
But deep inside I know he cares,
And that is why I'm tied
Right by his side.
As long as he needs me
I know where I must be
But, will he never see
That someone else needs me?
As long as life is long,
I'll love him - right or wrong,
But he's so big and strong
And someone else needs me:
A child with no one to take his part.
I'll take his part, Bill,
But cross my heart
I won't betray your trust
Though people say I must.
My heart will stay true just
As long as Bill needs me.
REVIEWING THE SITUATION (REPRISE)
Can somebody change?
It's possible.
Maybe it's strange,
But it's possible.
All my bosom companions and treasures --
I've left them behind.
I'll turn a leaf over, and who can tell what I may find?