The King and I | Kismet | Kiss Me Kate | Kiss of the Spider Woman | La Cage Aux Follies | Les Mis | Lion King (movie) | Lion King (stage) | Little Shop of Horrors | Mame | Mamma Mia | Man of LaMancia | Martin Guerre | Me and My Girl | Miss Siagon | Moulon Rouge | Music Man | My Fair Lady | Notre Dame De Paris | Oklahoma | Oliver | Once on This Island | Once Upon a Mattress | Pal Joey | Passion | Phantom of the Opera | Pippin | Pirates of Penzance | Penzance (if by Seuss) | The Producers | Ragtime | Rent | Roar of the Greasepaint | Rocky Horror Picture Show | Scarlet Pimpernell (orig. production) | Scarlett Pimpernell (new production) | The Secret Garden (stage) | Seussical | Seven Brides for Seven Brothers | Showboat | Side Show | Singing in the Rain | Smokey Joe's Cafe | Song and Dance | Sound of Music | South Pacific | Star Wars, The Musical | Starlight Express | State Fair (movie) | Stop the World, I Want to Get Off | Sunset Boulevard | Sweet Charity | Tale of Two Cities | Thoroughly Modern Millie | Tick-Tick-Boom | Titanic, The Musical | West Side Story | Whistle Down the Wind | The Wiz | The Wizard of Oz | You're a Good Man Charlie Brown
My Fair Lady
MY FAIR LADY
1.Why Can't the English?
2.Wouldn't It Be Loverly?
3.With a Little Bit O' Luck
4. I'm an Ordinary Man
5.Just You Wait
6.The Rain In Spain
7.I Could Have Danced All Night
8.Ascot Gavotte
9.On the Street Where You Live
10.You Did It
11.Show Me
12.Get Me to the Church On Time
13.A Hymn to Him
14.Without You
15.I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face
1.Why Can't the English?
Henry
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered.
By law she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
Eliza
Aaoooww!
Henry imitating her
Aaoooww!
Heaven's! What a noise!
This is what the British population,
Calls an elementary education.
Pickering
Oh, Counsel, I think you picked a poor example.
Henry
Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square,
Dropping "h's" everywhere.
Speaking English anyway they like.
You sir, did you go to school?
Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool?
Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now,
Should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too!
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse,
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one!
Eliza
Garn!
Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place.
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too.
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him,
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There even are places where English completely disappears.
In America, they haven't used it for years!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks have taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce
in properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening.
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't the English,
Why can't the English learn to speak?
2.Wouldn't It Be Loverly?
It's rather dull in town,
I think I'll take me to Paree.
Mmmmmm.
The mistress wants to open up
The castle in Capri.
Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea!
Mmmm, Mmmm, wouldn't it be loverly?
Eliza
All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of choc'lates for me to eat,
Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat.
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Aow, so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still.
I would never budge 'till spring
Crept over me windowsill.
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee,
Warm an' tender as 'e can be.
'ho takes good care of me,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly
3.With a Little Bit O' Luck
Alfred
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron
So he could do his job and never shirk.
The Lord gave man an arm of iron-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
Someone else'll do the blinkin' work!
The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you'll never work!
Alfred
The Lord above made liquor for temptation,
To see if man could turn away from sin.
The Lord above made liquor for temptation-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
When temptation comes you'll give right in!
The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you'll give right in.
Alfred
Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow;
But with a little bit of luck
You'll run amuck!
The gentle sex was made for man to marry,
To share his nest and see his food is cooked.
The gentle sex was made for man to marry-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
You can have it all and not get hooked.
The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you won't get hooked.
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin' luck!
Alfred
The Lord above made man to help is neighbor,
No matter where, on land, or sea, or foam.
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
When he comes around you won't be home!
Jim and Harry
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck,
You won't be home.
Alfred
They're always throwin' goodness at you;
But with a little bit of luck
A man can duck!
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philandrin
And fill his wife's poor heart with grief and doubt.
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philanderin'-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
You can see the bloodhound don't find out!
The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck she won't find out!
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin' luck!
He doesn't have a tuppence in his pocket.
The poorest bloke you'll ever hope to meet.
He doesn't have a tuppence in his pocket-but
With a little bit of luck,
With a little bit of luck,
He'll be movin' up to easy street.
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck,
He's movin' up.
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin luck!
4. I'm an Ordinary Man
Well after all, Pickering,
I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants...
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
doing whatever he thinks is best, for him,
Well... just an ordinary man...
BUT, Let a woman in your life
and your serenity is through,
she'll redecorate your home,
from the cellar to the dome,
and then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you...
Let a woman in your life,
and you're up against a wall,
make a plan and you will find,
that she has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either you do something else that neither likes at all
You want to talk of Keats and Milton, she only wants to talk of love,
You go to see a play or ballet, and spend it searching for her glove,
Let a woman in your life and you invite eternal strife,
Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands...
I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling than to ever let
a woman in my life,
I'm a very gentle man, even tempered and good natured who you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
the sort who never could, ever would, let an insulting remark escape his lips
Very gentle man...
But, Let a woman in your life, and patience hasn't got a chance,
she will beg you for advice,
your reply will be concise, and she will listen very nicely,
and then go out and do exactly what she wants!!!
You are a man of grace and polish, who never spoke above a hush,
all at once you're using language that would make a sailor blush,
Let a woman in your life, and you're plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my sex, tie the knot around their necks,
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a
woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man,
who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room,
who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb,
A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys,
who likes to meditate, contemplate, far for humanities mad inhuman noise,
Quiet living man....
But, let a woman in your life, and your sabbatical is through,
in a line that never ends comes an army of her friends,
come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the matter is with YOU!,
she'll have a booming boisterous family,
who will descend on you en mass,
she'll have a large wagnarian mother, with a voice that shatters glass,
Let a woman in your life, Let a woman in your life, Let a woman in your life
I shall never let a woman in my life.
5.Just You Wait
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!
You'll be sorry, but your tears'll be to late!
You'll be broke, and I'll have money;
Will I help you? Don't be funny!
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, till you're sick,
And you scream to fetch a doctor double-quick.
I'll be off a second later
And go straight to the the-ater!
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!
Ooooooh 'enry 'iggins!
Just you wait until we're swimmin' in the sea!
Ooooooh 'enry 'iggins!
And you get a cramp a little ways from me!
When you yell you're going to drown
I'll get dressed and go to town!
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins!
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins!
Just you wait!
One day I'll be famous! I'll be proper and prim;
Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim!
One evening the king will say:
"Oh, Liza, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing.
Next week on the twentieth of May
I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day!
All the people will celebrate the glory of you
And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do."
"Thanks a lot, King" says I, in a manner well-bred;
But all I want is 'enry 'iggins 'ead!"
"Done," says the King with a stroke.
"Guard, run and bring in the bloke!"
Then they'll march you, 'enry 'iggins to the wall;
And the King will tell me: "Liza, sound the call."
As they lift their rifles higher,
I'll shout: "Ready! Aim! Fire!"
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins,
Down you'll go, 'enry 'iggins!
Just you wait!
6.The Rain In Spain
Servants
Poor Professor Higgins!
Poor Professor Higgins!
Night and day
He slaves away!
Oh, poor Professor Higgins!
All day long
On his feet;
Up and down until he's numb;
Doesn't rest;
Doesn't eat;
Doesn't touch a crumb!
Poor Professor Higgins!
Poor Professor Higgins!
On he plods
Against all odds;
Oh, poor Professor Higgins!
Nine p.m.
Ten p.m.
On through midnight ev'ry night.
One a.m.
Two a.m.
Three...!
Quit, Professor Higgins!
Quit, Professor Higgins!
Hear our plea
Or payday we
Will quit, Professor Higgins!
Ay not I,
O not Ow,
Pounding pounding in our brain.
Ay not I,
O not Ow,
Don't say "Rine," say "Rain"...
Eliza
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
Henry
By George, she's got it!
By George, she's got it!
Now, once again where does it rain?
Eliza
On the plain! On the plain!
Henry
And where's that soggy plain?
Eliza
In Spain! In Spain!
The three
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
Henry
In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire...?
Eliza
Hurricanes hardly happen.
How kind of you to let me come!
Henry
Now once again, where does it rain?
Eliza
On the plain! On the plain!
Henry
And where's that blasted plain?
Eliza
In Spain! In Spain!
The three
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
7.I Could Have Danced All Night
Eliza
Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down!
Sleep! Sleep! I couldn't sleep tonight.
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting;
Why all at once
My heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night!
Servant 1
It's after three now.
Servant 2
Don't you agree now,
She ought to be in bed.
Eliza
I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me.
I could have danced, danced danced all night!
Mrs. Pearce
I understand, dear.
It's all been grand, dear.
But now it's time to sleep.
Eliza
I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!
8.Ascot Gavotte
Ladies and Gentlemen
Ev'ry duke and earl and peer is here
Ev'ryone who should be here is here.
What a smashing, positively dashing
Spectacle: the Ascot op'ning day.
At the gate are all the horses
Waiting for the cue to fly away.
What a gripping, absolutely ripping
Moment at the Ascot op'ning day.
Pulses rushing!
Faces flushing!
Heartbeats speed up!
I have never been so keyed up!
And second now
They'll begin to run.
Hark! A bell is ringing,
They are springing
Forward
Look! It has begun...!
What a frenzied moment that was!
Didn't they maintain an exhausting pace?
'Twas a thrilling, absolutely chilling
Running of the Ascot op'ning race.
9.On the Street Where You Live
Freddy
When she mentioned how her aunt bit off the spoon,
She completely done me in.
And my heart went on a journey to the moon,
When she told about her father and the gin.
And I never saw a more enchanting farce
Than that moment when she shouted "move your bloomin' "....
I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I
Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour
Out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!
And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!
People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by,
I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.
10.You Did It
Pickering
Tonight, old man, you did it!
You did it! You did it!
You said that you would do it,
And indeed you did.
I thought that you would rue it;
I doubted you'd do it.
But now I must admit it
That succeed you did.
You should get a medal
Or be even made a knight.
Henry
It was nothing. Really nothing.
Pickering
All alone you hurdled
Ev'ry obstacle in sight.
Henry
Now, wait! Now, wait!
Give credit where it's due,
A lot of the glory goes to you.
Pickering
But you're the one who did it,
Who did it, who did it!
As sturdy as Gibraltar,
Not a second did you falter.
There's no doubt about it,
You did it!
I must have aged a year tonight.
At times I thought I'd die of fright.
Never was there a momentary lull
Henry
Shortly after we came in
I saw at once we'd easily win;
And after that I found it deadly dull.
Pickering
You should have heard the ooh's and ah's;
Ev'ry one wondering who she was.
Henry
You'd think they'd never seen a lady before.
Pickering
And when the Prince of Transylvania
Asked to meet her,
And gave his arm to lead her to the floor...!
I said to him: You did it!
You did it! You did it!
They thought she was ecstatic
And so damned aristocratic,
And they never knew
That you
Did it!
Henry
Thank Heavens for Zoltan Karparthy.
If it weren't for him I would have died of boredom.
He was there, all right. And up to his old tricks.
Mrs. Pearce
Karparthy? That dreadful Hungarian? Was he there?
Henry
Yes.
That blackguard who uses the science of speech
More to blackmail and swindle than teach;
He made it the devilish business of his
"To find out who this Miss Doolittle is."
Ev'ry time we looked around
There he was, that hairy hound
From Budapest.
Never leaving us alone,
Never have I ever known
A ruder pest
Fin'lly I decided it was foolish
Not to let him have his chance with her.
So I stepped aside and let him dance with her.
Oozing charm from ev'ry pore
He oiled his way around the floor.
Ev'ry trick that he could play,
He used to strip her mask away.
And when at last the dance was done,
He glowed as if he knew he'd won!
And with a voice to eager,
And a smile too broad,
He announced to the hostess
That she was a fraud!
Mrs. Pearce
No!
Henry
Ja wohl!
Her English is too good, he said,
Which clearly indicates that she is foreign.
Whereas others are instructed in their native language
English people aren't.
And although she may have studied with an expert
Di'lectician and grammarian,
I can tell that she was born Hungarian!
Not only Hungarian, but of royal blood, she is a princess!
Servants
Congratulations, Professor Higgins,
For your glorious victory!
Congratulations, Professor Higgins!
You'll be mentioned in history!
Rest of Servants (Simultaneously)
Congratulations,
Professor Higgins!
For your glorious
Victory!
Congratulations,
Professor Higgins!
Sing hail and hallelujah!
Ev'ry bit of credit
For it all belongs to you!
Footman (Simultaneously with Rest of Servants)
This evening, sir, you did it!
You did it! You did it!
You said that you would do it
And indeed you did.
This evening, sir, you did it!
You did it! You did it!
We know that we have said it,
But-you did it and the credit
For it all belongs to you!
11.Show Me
Freddy
Speak and the world is full of singing,
And I'm winging
Higher than the birds.
Touch and my heart begins to crumble,
The heaven's tumble,
Darling, and I'm...
Eliza
Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you!
Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars
Burning above;
If you're in love,
Show me!
Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire.
If you're on fire,
Show me!
Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat!
Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch?
Don't say how much,
Show me! Show me!
Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow.
Show me now!
Sing me no song!
Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time,
Show me!
Don't talk of June,
Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all!
Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Day one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms
Hungered for mine?
Please don't "expl'ine,"
Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!
12.Get Me to the Church On Time
Jamie, Harry, Friends
There's just a few more hours.
That's all the time you've got.
A few more hours
Before they tie the knot.
Doolittle
There are drinks and girls all over London, and I've
gotta track 'em down in just a few more hours!
I'm getting married in the morning!
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the stopper!
Let's have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime.
Girls, come and kiss me;
Show how you'll miss me.
But get me to the church on time!
If I am dancin'
Roll up the floor.
If I am whistlin'
Whewt me out the door!
For I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.
Kick up an rumpus
But don't lost the compass;
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church,
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!
Doolittle and Everyone
I'm getting married in the morning
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.
Doolittle
Drug me or jail me,
Stamp me and mail me.
All
But get me to the church on time!
I gotta be there in the morning
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime.
Doolittle
Some bloke who's able
Lift up the table,
All
And get em to the church on time!
Doolittle
If I am flying
Then shoot me down.
If I am wooin',
Get her out of town!
All
For I'm getting married in the morning!
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.
Doolittle
Feather and tar me;
Call out the Army;
But get me to the church.
All
Get me to the church...
Doolittle
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!
Harry and Everyone
Starlight is reelin' home to bed now.
Mornin' is smearin' up the sky.
London is wakin'.
Daylight is breakin'.
Good luck, old chum,
Good health, goodbye.
Doolittle
I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime...
Hail and salute me
Then haul off and boot me...
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church...
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!
13.A Hymn to Him
Henry
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair;
Who when you win will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman be like that?
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
Pickering
Of course not.
Henry
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
Pickering
Nonsense.
Henry
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
Pickering
Never.
Henry
Why can't a woman be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects.
One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!
Why can't a woman behave like a man?
Men are so friendly, good-natured and kind;
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for dinner would you bellow?
Pickering
Of course not.
Henry
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
Pickering
Nonsense.
Henry
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
Pickering
Never.
Henry
Why can't a woman be like us?
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps.
Ready to help you through any mishaps.
Ready to buck you up whenever you up whenever you are glum.
Why can't a woman be a chum?
Why is thinking something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straightening up their hair is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside?
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
If I were a woman who'd been to a ball,
Been hailed as a princess to one and to all;
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
Carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?
14.Without You
Eliza
What a fool I was!
What a dominated fool!
To think you were the earth and sky.
What a fool I was! What an addle-pated fool!
What a mutton-headed dolt was I!
No, my reverberating friend,
You are not the beginning and the end!
There'll be spring every year without you.
England still will be here without you.
There'll be fruit on the tree,
And a shore by the sea;
There'll be crumpets and tea
Without you.
Art and music will thrive without you.
Somehow Keats will survive without you.
And there still will be rain
On that plain down in Spain,
Even that will remain without you.
I can do without you.
You, dear friend, who talk so well,
You can go to Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire!
They can still rule the land without you.
Windsor Castle will stand without you.
And without much ado
We can all muddle through without you!
Without your pulling it, the tide comes in,
Without your twirling it, the earth can spin.
Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by.
If they can do without you, ducky, so can I!
I shall not feel alone without you.
I can stand on my own without you.
So go back in your shell,
I can do bloody well
Without you!
15.I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face
Henry
Damn!! Damn!! Damn!! Damn!!
I've grown accustomed to her face!
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune
She whistles night and noon.
Her smiles. Her frowns.
Her ups, her downs,
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met.
Surely I can always be that way again-
And yet
I've grown accustomed to her looks,
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face.
But I'm so used to hear her say "Good morning" ev'ry day.
Her joys, her woes,
Her highs, her lows,
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I'm very grateful she's a woman
and so easy to forget;
Rather like a habit
One can always break and yet,
I've grown accustomed to the trace
Of something in the air;
Accustomed to her face.