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Stop the World, I Want to Get Off
Book, Music and Lyrics by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley
Directed by Anthony Newley
Act 1
Act 2
The A.B.C. Song
Chorus
All-American
Ginnie
I Wanna Be Rich
Littlechap
Once in a Lifetime
Littlechap
Typically English
Evie
Mumbo Jumbo
Littlechap
Lumbered
Littlechap
Welcome to Sunvale
Chorus
Welcome to Sludgepool
Chorus
Someone Nice Like You
Littlechap, Evie
Gonna Build a Mountain
Littlechap
What Kind of Fool Am I?
Littlechap
Glorious Russian
Anya
Meilinki Meilchick
Littlechap, Anya
Family Fugue
Littlechap, Evie, Susan, Jane
Typische Deutsche
Ilse
Nag, Nag, Nag
Littlechap, Evie, Susan, Jane
Newley and Bricusse conceived STOP THE WORLD as a one man show, where Newley would be surrounded by beautiful
girls, but as it developed, Anna Quayle's role was considerably beefed up. The show depicts the 7 ages of man, from birth to
death, personified by the character of Littlechap. All the characters dress in simplified clown costumes, with Littlechap
(Newley) and all the women in his life (Quayle) wearing clown makeup on their faces as well. The Sean Kenny setting suggests
a circus tent.
Overture
This is one of my three favorite overtures/entr'actes (the others being GYPSY and IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S
SUPERMAN). The beauty and lushness of even the humorous numbers comes through so well in this overture, where there
are no clever/beautiful lyrics to distract. The musical director (special musical arrangements) of the original London version was
Ian Fraser; he also did the orchestrations, along with David Lindup, Burt Rhodes and Gordon Langford. For Broadway, the
musical director was Milton Rosenstock.
The A.B.C. Song
As Littlechap mimes the birth and early childhood of a baby, the chorus sings:
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W
X-Y-Zed.
1 2
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
3 4
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
5 6 7
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W
8 9 10
X-Y-Zed.
As the song progresses, Littlechap mimes graduating from school; he turns out his pockets, they are empty. He looks for a job.
A bassoon represents the unseen boss. He gets a job as a teaboy in a factory. After work he flirts with some girls, doing a
mime in which his hand meets a girl's hand, and together they form a sort of flower. This courtship symbol works on girl after
girl, until he meets Evie. She snubs him. Littlechap is amazed and shouts out: "Stop the world!" He walks to the edge of the
stage and addresses the audience about how the girl you want is always the one you can't have.
He tries to chat up Evie, but she repulses him. Impressed by her posh accent, he gets the idea that you have to have money in
order to get a girl like that. He sings the following song as he pursues Evie on a bus.
I Wanna Be Rich
Look at me--just take a look at me--
A minute ago, I didn't know
Me elbow from me...
Ask just simply anyone--go and ask anyone--
They'll tell you I was greener than the grass.
Ooh, what I mess I was!
Yes, I'll confess I was!
Like a burbling bloody baby at the font!
You don't know the half of it--
But now I just laugh at it!
'Cause now I know exactly what I want.
I wanna be rich, have money to burn.
A thousand a week, say, would do me a turn.
I'd keep it in oncers in case of a slump.
I'd have stacks and stacks and the Income Tax
Could take a running jump.
I've have all me suits made a dozen a time.
I'd buy all the best shares, provided they climb
Give me half a chance, a small advance,
Me fingers itch to make me dirty rotten filthy stinking rich!
Here, Evie, hang on!
Took a look at me--a quick butcher's hook at me--
Now, a minute ago I didn't know a cockle from a whelk.
Can you imagine it? I mean, just imagine it!
Fancy not knowing a cockle from a whelk!
Oh, what a nitt I was! Yes, I'll admit I was!
Like a sloppy, floppy puppy with a ball.
And then, without reason or rhyme--
I was chatting this bird at the time--
I heard a sort of voice within me call.
I wanna be rich and have a big house,
With hundreds of acres and pheasants and grouse.
An American car as long as the street;
And the local birds'll be lost for words--
It'll knock them off their feet.
(Women drivers!)
I wanna be famous and be in the news,
Go out with a film star whenever I choose.
Gimme half a chance to lead a dance
With some rich bitch
And I'll be dirty rotten filthy stinking rich!
Here, Eve, hang on! Evie, wait for us! Eve...Evie!
I wanna be rich and mix with the nobs
And sit in the best seats with all of the snobs.
I may go to Ascot to take in the scene.
In me grey top hat and me spats and that,
I'd be comp'ny for the Queen.
I wanna go trav'ling to Cannes and Capri--
The French Riv-i-er-i-a is my cup of tea.
Gimme half a chance in the South of France
To make my pitch
And I'll be dirty rotten filthy stinking--
I can hear the lolly clinking--
Lots of birds; lots of drinking--
I can guess what you're all thinking--
Dirty rotten filthy stinking rich!
Typically English
Evie tries to elude Littlechap but he grabs her arm in a kind of tug-of-war.
One of the chorus members declaims in the manner of a loudspeaker announcing train destinations:
Attention please: The virgin now struggling on Platform Two is for
Patting, Petting, Kissing and Cuddling, but will stop short at anything
approaching Sin, Desire, Lust and all stations to Immorality.
Littlechap responds: You wanna bet? I'll lay you ten to one.
Evie sings:
My mother said I never should
Play with the young men in the wood.
If I did, she would say
'Naughty little girl to disobey!'
Stop it!
I'm a typically English rosebud
Born of typically English stock
With a typically Anglo-Saxon family tree.
Littlechap: You can tell, can't you?
I received my education
In a typically English way
At a typically English Girls' Academy.
Littlechap: I went to Brixton Reformatory for Boys meself.
I play typically English tennis
At a typically English club
With a typically English feeling for fair play.
I eat typically English crumpets
With my typically English tea
At the end of every typically English day.
Littlechap: That's funny! We only had fish and chips.
Father is a typically English colonel,
Home is a typically English county town.
Littlechap: Somewhere near Swindon.
Mummy and I play typically English patience
While the typically English rain is pouring down.
We've a typically English spaniel
Who likes typically English walks
Past the typically English trees upon the heath.
And if anyone asks me how I like
This typically English life,
I am fed up to my typically English teeth.
Littlechap sings:
My mother said I never should
Play with the girlies in the wood
If I did, she would say
They'll only end up in the family way.
Evie continues:
When I go to typically English dances,
Mother gives me typically sound advice:
How to cope with typically coarse advances,
But I'm bound to confess I find them rather nice!
Stay there.
In the typically English summer
We take typically English trips
To a typically seaside place with Auntie Maude;
And if anyone asks me how I like
This typically English life,
I have never been so - Pygmalion bored!
And if anyone asks me how I like
This typically English life,
I have never been ...
Evie and Littlechap do the hand mime; he leads her offstage. The chorus chants:
Here is a special announcement. There was an accident in a bedsitting-room off the
Brompton Road late last night when a seventeen-year old girl was involved in a
head-on collision with a twenty-five year old tea boy, and received injuries from
which her typically English family may never recover. Will anyone who saw the
accident, or can give any information, please keep it to themselves.
Littlechap and Evie return. Evie sings:
When a typically English rosebud
Is in typically English bloom
And her typically English petals open wide
Then her typically English perfume
Reaches typically English bees
And what follows is really most undignified!
Littlechap sings:
My mother said I never should
Play with the girlies in the wood.
If I did, she would say
They'll only end up in a most undignified,
Somewhat magnified,
Slightly stupefied,
Maybe multiplied,
Quite unqualified,
None too sanctified,
Highly satisfied way.
Lumbered
Littlechap is summoned into the boss's office and discovers Evie is the boss's daughter. After promising never to see Evie
again, Littlechap runs into her and she tells him she's going to have a baby. Littlechap shouts out "Stop the World" and
addresses the audience again about how the last time he was in church it was for his own christening.
The orchestra plays the wedding march as Littlechap and Evie walk toward the audience, Evie visibly pregnant.
Chorus: Speech!
Evie staggers offstage, clutching her stomach. Littlechap sings:
I've been trapped, lumbered!
I--have been lumbered!
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
But, I'm never gonna get lumbered again.
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
And I don't L-I-K-E it one small bit.
I'm too young to be a father;
There are lots of things I'd rather be--
Like working down a coal P-I-T pit!
When I ought to be completely unencumbered,
I've been forced to buy a ring and say Amen.
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
But, I'm never gonna get lumbered again.
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered;
I'm completely C-H-O-K-E-D choked!
Bang, all my lovely visions--
I've been forced to make decisions.
Wish I had a quid for ev'ry fag I've smoked.
When I think of all the birds with whom I've slumbered;
Now I'll only ever see them now and then.
(At the weekends and whenever the wife's not around!)
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
But, I'm never gonna get lumbered again.
If I ever get my hands upon the idiot that wrote,
"Into ev'ry life a little rain must fall,"
I shall take his book of poems
And I'll stuff 'em up his...throat,
'Cause it seems to me as though I get it all!
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered;
And the idea doesn't please me very much.
I was not prepared for marriage--
I would catch a boat from Harwich--
But I don't speak any D-U-C-H Dutch.
Though I know it's true a bachelor's days are numbered,
I think I should have the choice of saying when,
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
But, I'm never gonna get lumbered again.
Evie: Darling!
I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered.
It's enough to drive a fellow M-A-D!
I am scarcely past my childhood--
I still play the games a child would--
I'm still playing mums and dads, as you can see.
When I think of all the chicks with whom I've rumba'd--
For the wedding march, I'm lumbered with a hen! (Quack, quack!)
I've been quite unduly, well and truly lumbered,
But, I'm never gonna get,
Never gonna get, never, never,
Never gonna get, never gonna get, never never,
Never gonna get lumbered again!
Susan, Littlechap's first born, appears on stage. Littlechap teaches her to walk.
Littlechap: Well, now for a bit of peace and quiet.
Evie: Darling!
Littlechap: Yes?
Evie: I'm going to have a baby--another one!
Littlechap: I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered.
Evie: So have I!
Littlechap: I've had just about E-N-U-F enough.
Evie: So have I!
Littlechap: For my little bit of pleasure I've been punished beyond measure. If you ask me, I've
been treated rather rough!
Evie: So have I!
Littlechap: Like a garrison that's gradually outnumbered, Or a boxer when the count is nearing
ten,
Evie: Down with men!
Littlechap: I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered,
Evie: I've been lumbered!
Both: But, I'm never gonna get lumbered again!
Welcome to Sludgepool
Littlechap plucks up his courage and asks his boss for a raise. The boss promotes him to new works manager of the
Sludgepool factory.
The chorus sings:
Welcome to Sludgepool -
The garden of the north!
The home of heavy industry
Since good King George the Fourth!
Pride of the valley
Twixt Huddersfield and Crewe,
With ever-open grimy arms
Sludgepool welcomes you!
Gonna Build a Mountain
Littlechap is appalled at the sluggish pace of the Sludgepool factory. When he tries to intimidate the workers into speeding up,
one of them accuses him of making a mountain out of a molehill. Inspired, Littlechap sings:
Gonna build a mountain
From a little hill.
Gonna build a mountain -
Least I hope I will.
Gonna build a mountain -
Gonna build it high!
I don't know how I'm gonna do it -
Only know I'm gonna try.
Gonna build a daydream
From a little hope.
Gonna push that daydream
Up a mountain slope.
Gonna build a daydream -
Gonna see it through.
Gonna build a mountain and a daydream -
Gonna make 'em both come true.
Gonna build a heaven
From a little hell.
Gonna build a heaven
And I know darn well
If I build my mountain
With a lot of care
And take my daydream up the mountain
Heaven'll be waiting there.
When I've built that heaven
As I will some day
And the Lord sends Gabriel
To take me away,
Wanna fine young son
To take my place
I'll leave a son in my heaven on earth
With the Good Lord's Grace.
Gonna build a heaven
From a little hell.
Gonna build a heaven
And I know darn well
If I build my mountain
With a lot of care
And take my daydream up the mountain
Heaven'll be waiting there.
Gonna build a daydream,
Gonna see it through.
Gonna build a mountain and a daydream;
Gonna make them both come true!
Littlechap's second daughter, JANE, appears. He is disappointed she is not a son. He teaches her to walk with less
enthusiasm than the first daughter.
Disgusted, Littlechap stalks off; he forces the workers into a faster pace. The boss is impressed and tells Littlechap he is
sending him to Moscow to be a delegate to the International Trade Mission.
Glorious Russian
Moscow Announcer: Attention please: Trans Soviet Airways wish to announce the arrival of Flight
Niet Niet Niet from East Berlin, where a convention of party bricklayers has been cementing
good-"wall" relations with West Berlin!
Anya appears, a Russian version of Evie. Littlechap tries his hand mime on her and she responds. He professes his love.
Anya sings:
My mother said I never should
Mix with subversive reactionary elements in the wood.
If I did, she would say
You'll only end up as a decadent
Subservient western imperialistic
Political puppet one day.
I'm a glorious Russian comrade
Born on glorious Russian soil.
I was part of my glorious parents'
Five year plan.
I eat glorious Russian salad
That's imported from the West
And drink glorious Russian vodka when I can.
I've got fourteen glorious brothers
Down a glorious Russian mine.
I've got fifteen glorious sisters and a cat.
And the lot of us live together
In such glorious Russian bliss
In a glorious Soviet Russian two-room flat.
Father is a glorious Russian dustman.
Mother drives a glorious Russian tram.
Grandma drives a lorry though she's ninety-four
And Grandpa does not give a Russian damn.
We've got glorious Russian heroes
Up in glorious Russian space
And the glorious Russian news is one day soon
We'll live happily ever after
On a vast collective farm
Somewhere on the glorious
Soviet Russian moon!
Meilinki Meilchick
Anya: Do you like children?
Littlechap: As long as it doesn't become a habit. I think every man should have a son.
Anya: One day, I would like to have a meilinki dvorchka and a meilinki meilchick of my own.
Littlechap: Wouldn't you rather have children?
Anya: They are children. Meilinki dvorchka is a little girl; meilinki meilchick is a little
boy.
Littlechap: Meilinki...
Anya: Meilchick.
Littlechap: Meilchick. Meilinki meilchick.
Anya: Da.
She sings:
First say meilinki - that means a little.
Then you say meilchick - that means a boy.
Put them together - say meilinki meilchick;
That's how in Russia we say little boy.
Littlechap: Can I have a go?
Anya: Da. First say:
Littlechap: Meilinki.
Anya: That means:
Littlechap: A little.
Anya: Then you say:
Littlechap: Meilchick.
Anya: That means:
Littlechap: A boy.
Anya: Now both together, say:
Littlechap: Meilinki meilchick.
Both: That's how in Russia we say little boy.
Littlechap: I've always been good at languages.
Anya sings:
Moscow to Rostov and
Rostov to Kiev,
Boys you can see ev'ry
Day of your life.
Some may be small boys,
Some may be tall boys
Something makes all boys
The pride of each man and wife.
Both sing:
I'd like meilinki - that means a little
I'd like a meilchick - that means a boy.
I'd like my own little meilinki meilchick
That's how in Russia we say little boy.
Littlechap sings:
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
Meilinki meilchick - though he'd be little
He'd be my meilchick - he'd be my joy.
Smiling a smile, little meilinki meilchick
I'd be so proud of my own little boy.
Smiling that smile-chick,
All of the while-chick.
Meilinki meilchick,
How precious he'd be!
He would beguile me,
My meilinki meilchick;
This juvenile-chick
Would mean the whole world to me.
I'd like meilinki - that means a little
I'd like a meilchick - that means a boy.
I'd like my own little meilinki meilchick.
He'd make me happy, my own little chappie,
My meilinki meilchick, my own little boy.
A boy appears on stage, mimes struggling to life, and then dying. Littlechap looks on in horror, seeing the death of his son, and
shouts out again: "Stop the world!" He recites the nursery rhyme:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water -
At least, that's what they said they did,
But now they've got a daughter!
Family Fugue
Littlechap returns from Russia, dissatisfied with his family and life.
Daughter 1: Oh dear, what can the matter be? Mummy and Daddy've not spoken since Saturd'y.
Daughter 2: Home, home on the range, the silence is driving me mad.
Littlechap: I see it says in the paper today the divorce rate's up again. Some people have all the
luck.
Evie: There was an old woman who lived in a suburb; she had two too many children...
Littlechap: But no son!
He sings:
I thought that it would rain today;
But it didn't!
I took my raincoat anyway;
But I needn't.
We may have local fog tonight
And thunder;
It may rain cats and dogs tonight,
Shouldn't wonder.
Evie sings:
I knew it wouldn't rain today
'Cause any fool can tell darn well
That when the sky is red at night
It means another sunny spell.
Why you took your raincoat
When you've got that damn great motor-car!
Knew it wouldn't rain today;
How stubborn some men are!
Daughter 2: Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he...ooh...
Daughter 1: Polly put the kettle on; we'll all have...
Littlechap: I see if the Government spends another 200 billion on our space programme, we could
have a white mouse in orbit by the end of the year!
Evie: Nobody knows the troubles I've seen; and nobody cares!
Littlechap: I've been L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D lumbered, but I'm never gonna get lumbered again.
Evie: And if anyone asks me how I like this typically English life, I am fed up to my typically
English teeth.
Daughters: There's no place like home, there's no place like home.
Typische Deutsche
Littlechap is summoned to his father-in-law's office again and congratulated on his Moscow trip. The boss talks about a
directorship for Littlechap. With the higher salary, Littlechap can afford a maid. Ilse appears, a German version of Evie. She
sings:
Bitte sehr, I am Ilse, Ilse Brandt. I am the domestic help your wife applied for.
I was never a member of the Nazi Party und my father was completely cleared at
Nuremberg.
The fatherland said I never should
Play mit anyone in the wood.
That would only mean disgrace;
We'd never end up as the ultra modernized,
Fully mobilized,
Armed und mechanized,
Extra specialized,
Richly subsidized,
Highly organized,
Wildly idolized master race!
I'm a typische Deutsche fraulein
Born of typische Deutsche stock.
Mit a typische Deutsche fraulein's point of view.
I eat typische Deutsche sauerkraut
Und drink typische Deutsche beer
Und mein typische Deutsche dachshund drinks it too!
I love typische Deutsche musik
Played by typische Deutsche bands,
As we dance beneath a typische Deutsche moon.
Though I love the songs of Schubert
Und the melodies of Brahms,
Deutschland uber alles is my favorite tune.
Father is ein typische Deutsche doktor
But he was a general in the war.
He still keeps his uniform in the cupboard
Just in case we should the see the day he's waiting for.
We are typische Deutsche people,
We have typische Deutsche ways
With a typische Deutsche outlook at the world.
Und on Adolf Hitler's birthday
In our sentimental way
How we love to see the dear old flag unfurled.
Happy Birthday, Dear Adolf,
Wherever you are!
Nag, Nag, Nag
Ilse's integration into the Littlechap household does not go smoothly.
Chorus: Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag; Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.
Littlechap sings:
When God created man
Some several years ago
He smiled upon his handiwork
But little did he know
An Adam with no madam
Was a certainty to grieve;
But when the good Lord tumbled it,
He lumbered him with Eve.
So Adam looked at Eve
And she looked back at him.
"Why don't you let them talk, my Lord?"
Said some bright cherubim.
So God gave them the pow'r of speech
Which makes a man a prince;
But women, I regret to say
Have not stopped talking since.
Evie: Very funny!
Littlechap: Oh, why aren't you laughing?
Evie: I have nothing to laugh at!
Littlechap: You should be standing here!
Evie sings:
When you go off to work
And leave me on my own
To scrimp and save
And work and slave
And spend the day alone
You never think of calling me
To ask me how I am.
You always say you're busy but
You just don't give a damn!
When you go off abroad
To Paris and to Rome,
I wonder what the business is
That you can't do at home?
It's no good telling me
That I would never understand
I bet you anything you like
It's something underhand!
Littlechap responds:
My wife's voice is a symphony,
A symphony of love.
When she speaks I hear violins
From above.
My wife's voice is a melody
From the sweetest nightingale throat.
My wife's voice is a symphony,
And I hate every bloody note!
On the original cast LP, FAMILY FUGUE and NAG, NAG, NAG have been combined into one number. But in the original
show, they were separated by TYPISCHE DEUTSCHE, which was then reprised after NAG, NAG, NAG, as Littlechap
does his hand mime with Ilse, confessing he loves her. Once again, Littlechap shouts out, "Stop the world!" and talks
irrelevantly about the only survivors of a Third World War likely to be grasshoppers. This is followed by a reprise of NAG,
NAG, NAG, after which Littlechap, estranged from Evie, moves his things into the spare room.
All American
Act 2 opens with the prospect of Littlechap being promoted to Managing Director if he pulls off an American deal and his
father-in-law is made chairman.
Announcer: Attention please. Flash American Airways, the airline that has flown more passengers
at greater speed, greater expense and greater risk than any other airline, are proud (and
relieved) to announce the arrival of their one millionth passenger whose wife doesn't
understand him. Remember, if you're dying to fly, fly Flash American!
Girl: The Chocolate Box is proud to present Miss Ginnie Romain!
Ginnie is the American version of Evie, a remarkable Marilyn Monroe breathy sound-alike: She sings:
My mother said I never should
Play in a Cadillac in the wood.
If I did she would say
You'll only be sorry on Labor Day.
I'm an all American female
From an all American town.
I'm from all American Main Street, U.S.A.
I eat all American popcorn,
I chew all American gum,
Which is why I talk this
All American way.
I watch all American movies
Half the all American night
On my all American television screen.
And like all American females
I've an all American dream
To become an all American movie queen.
My all American papa comes from Poland.
He came here from Warsaw with my mom.
She lives all alone because my Papa is
An eighteen carat all American bum.
I get all American goosebumps
When I hear the Stars and Stripes;
I'm an all American niece of Uncle Sam.
And I think Mr. Eisenhower
Is absolutely swell. . .
(Musical Director taps his baton)
Oh really! Well, I think that Mr. Kennedy
Is absolutely swell.
What a lucky all American girl I am!
I consider myself very fortunate to be a citizen of the United States of America.
And what is more, I support the Fifth Amendment!
Whatever it is! Rah! Rah! America!
Littlechap goes backstage to see Ginnie. They do the hand mime and Littlechap tells her he loves her. Susan, Littlechap's elder
daughter, shows up. She tells him she's going to have a baby. Stunned, Littlechap shouts out, "Stop the world!" He tells the
audience, "If it runs in the family, there's nothing you can do about it." Littlechap returns home and gives the bride away.
Once in a Lifetime
Littlechap is Managing Director now, Secretary of the Foreign Trade Association and Committee Member of Snobb's, an
exclusive club. His father-in-law suggests Littlechap run for public office, considering what he knows about "world affairs".
Using the same tactics that worked in Sludgepool, Littlechap runs on the issue of knocking 2% off income tax - 98% being
quite enough. He sings:
Just once in a lifetime,
A man knows a moment--
One wonderful moment
When fate takes his hand.
And this is my moment--
My once in a lifetime--
When I can explore
A new and exciting land.
For once in my lifetime
I feel like a giant!
I soar like an eagle,
As though I had wings!
For this is my moment--
My destiny calls me--
And though it may be
Just once in my lifetime,
I'm gonna do great things!
Mumbo Jumbo
Littlechap begins to campaign, as the Chorus sings:
Vote for Littlechap! Vote for Littlechap!
Vote for Littlechap! Vote for Littlechap!
For Littlechap!
Girl: Fellow citizens, our speaker for tonight is the Opportunist candidate for this
constituency, Mr. Littlechap.
Littlechap sings:
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Tickety bubarb yak yak yak
Mumbo jum red white and bluebarb,
Poor Brittania's on her back.
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Nothing newbarb cha cha cha.
Mumbo Jumbo Castro's Cubarb.
I think someone's gone too far!
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Voulez-vousbarb avec moi?
Mumbo Jumbo entrez-nousbarb
Bridget Bardot ooh la la!
Girl: Ladies of the Book of the Month Guild, it is my pleasure to introduce the Opportunist
candidate for this constituency, Mr. Littlechap!
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Has Red China got the bomb?
Velly soon now if it's truebarb
We'll be blown to kingdom come.
Chorus: You've got a bomb, We've got a bomb, All God's children got bombs.
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Give the Democrats more cash.
Helps the nation, stops inflation.
How's your father? Wall Street crash.
Chorus: We wanna be rich with money to burn.
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Prostitubarb off the streets.
We will fight them on the beaches
But we'll lose between the sheets.
Girl: Fellow members of the Motor Scooter Association, I'd like you to meet the Opportunist
candidate, Mr. Littlechap.
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Common Market can't go wrong.
Washday Mondays? Send your undies
Chinese laundry in Hong Kong.
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Give the Africans their rights.
Colored people are free toobarb
Though not quite as free as whites!
Mumbo Jumbo, rhubarb rhubarb
Up your flubarb, Liberty Hall.
And, dear friends, if I'm elected,
I'm all right, Jack--screw you all!
Littlechap wins the election by a landslide. He advances through various Parliamentary committees until he has a heart attack.
Evie leads him offstage. He returns to shout, "Stop the world!" He vows to slow down after his recent brush with mortality.
Welcome to Sunvale
Evie and Littlechap move to a retirement community, as the Chorus sings:
Welcome to Sunvale,
The Paradise of Kent,
Where rich and famous Englishmen
Retire when nearly spent.
Come back to nature,
An hour from Waterloo.
As long as you can foot the bill
Sunvale welcomes you.
Someone Nice Like You
A bit belatedly, Littlechap realizes what a treasure Evie is.
Littlechap: Thirty-five years, Evie! I don't know how you've put up with me that long.
Evie: I'm just a glutton for punishment.
Littlechap: I think you must be, my dear.
He sings:
And if we could live twice,
I'd make life paradise
For someone really nice like you.
Why did someone nice like you, Evie,
Have to love someone like me?
When I think of all the men
You could have loved,
The men you should have loved,
Who would have loved you.
You're worth so much more than me, Evie,
Believe you me, Evie,
You know it's true.
And if we could live twice,
I'd make life paradise
For someone really nice like you.
Evie replies:
You ask why should someone nice like me
Have to fall in love with you;
And you mention all the men
I could have loved,
The men I should have loved,
Who would have loved me.
Maybe Mister Freud could tell you why
I'll love you till I die
The way I do.
But who wants Freud's advice?
I'm sure it works with mice -
But not with someone nice like you.
Both sing:
And if we could live twice
I'd make life paradise
For someone really nice...
Littlechap: Like you!
They do the hand mime one last time; then Evie puts her hand to her forehead and exits. Littlechap doesn't notice.
What Kind of Fool Am I?
Littlechap is not only knighted, but also wins the Ignobel Prize for outstanding achievement in the field of Parliamentary
Doubletalk. He calls for Evie to share his triumph, but she's passed on. Once again, Littlechap calls out: "Stop the world!"
Jane, Littlechap's youngest daughter shows up to ask why he didn't attend her wedding. He replies he didn't know she was
pregnant, but she is the first in the family not to have to get married. Littlechap tells her he's writing his memoirs; he recalls
Anya, Ilse, Ginnie. He realizes he was never in love with anyone except himself. He sings:
What kind of fool am I
Who never fell in love?
It seems that I'm the only one
That I have been thinking of.
What kind of man is this?
An empty shell--
A lonely cell in which
An empty heart must dwell.
What kind of clown am I?
What do I know of life?
Why can't I cast away
This mask of play
And live my life?
Why can't I fall in love
Like any other man?
And maybe then I'll know
What kind of fool I am.
What kind of lips are these
That lied with ev'ry kiss,
That whispered empty words of love
That left me alone like this?
What kind of eyes are these
That could not see
What could be seen
By ev'rybody else but me?
What kind of clown am I?
What do I know of life?
Why can't I cast away
This mask of play
And live my life?
Why can't I fall in love
Till I don't give a damn?
And maybe then I'll know
What kind of fool I am.
A Boy appears in the center of the stage, Jane's son about to be born. Death appears and threatens him. Littlechap intervenes,
protecting the Boy. Death beckons and Littlechap exits with him, looking proudly back at his grandson.
The Boy survives. From offstage, Littlechap calls: "Stop the world!" He runs onstage and starts the whole show over again,
once more miming being born.