Judie's Place     |  HOME    |   Musical Theater HOME  
The King and I   |   Kismet   |   Kiss Me Kate   |   Kiss of the Spider Woman   |   La Cage Aux Follies   |   Les Mis   |   Lion King (movie)   |   Lion King (stage)   |   Little Shop of Horrors   |   Mame   |   Mamma Mia   |   Man of LaMancia   |   Martin Guerre   |   Me and My Girl   |   Miss Siagon   |   Moulon Rouge   |   Music Man   |   My Fair Lady   |   Notre Dame De Paris   |   Oklahoma   |   Oliver   |   Once on This Island   |   Once Upon a Mattress   |   Pal Joey   |   Passion   |   Phantom of the Opera   |   Pippin   |   Pirates of Penzance   |   Penzance (if by Seuss)   |   The Producers   |   Ragtime   |   Rent   |   Roar of the Greasepaint   |   Rocky Horror Picture Show   |   Scarlet Pimpernell (orig. production)   |   Scarlett Pimpernell (new production)   |   The Secret Garden (stage)   |   Seussical   |   Seven Brides for Seven Brothers   |   Showboat   |   Side Show   |   Singing in the Rain   |   Smokey Joe's Cafe   |   Song and Dance   |   Sound of Music   |   South Pacific   |   Star Wars, The Musical   |   Starlight Express   |   State Fair (movie)   |   Stop the World, I Want to Get Off   |   Sunset Boulevard   |   Sweet Charity   |   Tale of Two Cities   |   Thoroughly Modern Millie   |   Tick-Tick-Boom   |   Titanic, The Musical   |   West Side Story   |   Whistle Down the Wind   |   The Wiz   |   The Wizard of Oz   |   You're a Good Man Charlie Brown
Rocky Horror Picture Show
by Richard O'Brien

MAGENTA:          Michael Rennie was ill
(As Usherette)          The day the earth stood still
               But he told us where we stand
               And flash gordon was there
               In silver underwear
               Claude rains was the invisible man
               Then something went wrong
               For Fay Wray and king kong
               They got caught in a celluloid jam
               Then at a deadly pace
               It came from outer space
               And this is how the message ran.

               Science fiction - double feature
Phantoms do the          Dr X will build a creature
Oohhs etc.          See Androids fighting Brad and Janet
               Anne Francis stars in forbidden planet
               Oh - at the late night double feature
               Picture show

               I knew Leo G. Carrol
               was over a barrel
               When tarrantula took to the hills
               And I got really hot
               When I saw Jeanette Scott
               Fight a triffed that spits poison and kills
               Dana Andrews said prunes
               Gave him the ruhnes
               And passing them
               used lots of skills
               But when worlds collide
               Said George Pal to his bride
               I'm going to give you some terrible thrills
               Like a -


               SCENE ONE

               Wedding bells are ringing -
               (Phantom voices)

               BRAD and JANET are both

JANET:               Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful - didn't Betty look
               radiantly beautiful - I can't believe it - just an
               hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she's
               Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.

BRAD:               Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy.

JANET:               Yes.

BRAD:               Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.

JANET:               Yes.

BRAD:               And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a
               year or two.

JANET:               Yes.

BRAD:               Hey, Janet, I've got something to say
               I really loved the skillful way
               You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet

               The river was deep but I swam it.          (Janet)
               The future is ours so let's plan it.          (Janet)
               So please don't tell me to can it.          (Janet)
               I've one thing to say and that's ...
               Damn it - Janet - I love you.
               The road was long but I ran it.               (Janet)
               There's a fire in my heart and you
               fan it.                              (Janet)
               If there's one fool for you then I am it.     (Janet)
               I've one thing to say and that's ...
               Damn it - Janet - I love you.
               Here's a ring to prove I'm no joker
               (Bell voices)
               There's three ways that love can grow
               That's good - bad - or mediocre
               Janet - (Janet echoed B. backing voices)
               I love you so.

JANET:               Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had.     (Oh Brad)
               Now we're engaged and I'm so glad.     (Oh Brad)
               That you've met Mom and you know
               Dad.                         (Oh Brad)
               I've one thing to say and that's ....
               Brad - I'm mad - for you too.

               Oh Brad.

BRAD:               Oh damn it.

JANET:               I'm mad.

BRAD:               Oh Janet.

JANET:               For you.
BRAD:               I love you too - there's one thing left
               to do and that's....
               Go see the man who began it          (Janet)
               When we met in his science exam
               it                         (Janet)
               Made me give you the eye and then
               panic                         (Janet)
               Now I've one thing to say and that's ....
               Damn it - Janet - I love you.

               Damn it Janet.

JANET:               Oh Brad I'm mad.

BRAD:               Damn it Janet.

BOTH:               I love you.


NARRATOR:          I would like - if I may - to take you on a strange

               It seemed a farily ordinary night
               When Brad Majors, and his fiance'
               Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy
               kids)... left Denton that late November evening
               to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now
               friend to both of them...

               It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy -
               black and pendulous - toward which they were
               driving, it's true also that the spare tyre they
               were carrying was badly in need of some air - but they
               being normal kids and on a night out - well - tyhey
               were not going to let a storm spoil the events of
               their evening.
               On a night out...

               It was a night out they were to remember for a
               very - long - time.

                    SCENE TWO

                    SOUND OF CAR RADIO
                    A car approaching through a stormy
                    CAR STOPS.  CLICK RADIO OFF.

BRAD:               Hmmm...

JANET:               What's the matter, Brad darling?

BRAD:               I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there.
               We'd better go on ahead up the road and see if we can
               find our way back.

                         (They move off)


BRAD:               Oh darn!  Janet.

JANET:               What was that bang?

BRAD:               We seem to have a blow-out in the front off-side tyre.

JANET:               Oh... (pause)


BRAD:               You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for

JANET:               But where will you go?  We're in the middle of

BRAD:               Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few
               miles?  Maybe they have a telephone I might use.

JANET:               I'm coming with you.

BRAD:               There's no point in both of use getting wet.

JANET:               I'm coming with you.  Besides, darling, the owner
               of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you
               may never come back.

BRAD:               Ha Ha Ha.

                         (Phantoms take up the laughter -
                         They exit)


JANET:               In the velvet darkness
               of the blackest night
               burning bright - there's a guiding star
               no matter what or who you are.

BRAD & JANET:          There's a light

ALL:               Over at the Frankenstein place

BRAD & JANET:          There's a light

ALL:               Burning in the fireplace

JANET:               There's a light... Light in the darkness of
               everybody's life.

BRAD:               I can see the flag fly
               I can see the rain
               Just the same - there has got to be
               Something better here - for you and me

BRAD & JANET:          There's a light

ALL:               Burning in the fireplace

BRAD:               There's a light... Light in the darkness of
               everybody's life.

RIFF RAFF:          (from doorway)
               The darkness must flow
               Down the river of nights dreaming
               Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
               Come streaming into my life

ALL:               Into my life

JANET & BRAD:          There's a light

ALL:               Over at the Frankenstein Place

JANET & BRAD:          There's a light

ALL:               Burning in the fireplace
               There's a light - light

JANET & BRAD:          In the darkness of everybody's life.

JANET:               (screams)

BRAD:               It's all right, Janet.

JANET:               Oh Brad let's go back.  I'm cold and I'm frightened.

BRAD:               Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone.

                         (He rings the bell... No answer
                         ... RINGS again... At last the
                         door opens)

RIFF RAFF:          (Looking past them as if for others, or someone
               else)  Hello.

BRAD:               Oh:  Uh:  Ahh:  Hi there, we're in a bit of a spot, I
               wonder could you help us - our car is broken down about
               2 miles back - do you have a telephone we might use...

RIFF RAFF:          (pause)  You're wet.

JANET:               Yes - the rain has been very heavy.

BRAD:               Yes.

RIFF RAFF:          Yes - (lightning)  I think you better both come inside.

JANET:               You're too kind.

NARRATOR:          And so - after braving the inclement weather, and some
                not too little time - it seemed that fortune had smiled
               on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assis-
               tance that their plight required - or had they ? -
               There was certainly something about this house (to
               which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them)
               that made the both of them feel apprehensive and
               uneasy - But, if they were to reach their destination
               that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and
               take advantage of whatever help was offered.

                    SCENE THREE

                    Interior DIMLY LIT.

RIFF RAFF:          Wait here.

JANET:               (looking around)   Oh Brad what sort of a place is
               this I'm frightened.

BRAD:               It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich
               weirdos - but you're shivering.

JANET:               Yes I'm wet.

BRAD:               Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this
               grill in the wall - take your raincoat and dry it here.
               I'll keep a look out for the undertaker.

JANET:               Oh!

BRAD:               For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
               I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

                         (She smiles)

               Here dry my coat too.

JANET:               O.K.
                         (We are aware of FRANK looking
                         at JANET - lights COME UP.
                         BRAD and JANET whirl around
                         see FRANK.  Freeze)

JANET:               Oh!

BRAD:               It's alright, Janet.

                         (RIFF RAFF appears with
                         COLUMBIA and MAGENTA)

MAGENTA:          Master.

FRANK:               How do you do
               I see you've met my faithful handyman
               He's a little brought down
               Because when you knocked
               He thought you were the candyman
               Don't get strung out by the way that I look
               Don't judge a book by its cover
               I'm not much of a man
               By the light of day
               But by night I'm one hell of a lover

               I'm just a sweet Transvestite
               From Transexual

               Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
               You look like you're both pretty groovie
               Or if you want something visual that's not too
               We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

BRAD:               I'm glad we caught you at home
               Ah - could we use your phone
               We're both in a bit of a hurry
               We'll just say where we are
               Then go back to the car,
               We don't want to be any worry.

FRANK:               You got caught with a flat
               Well how about that
               Well babie's don't you panic
               By the light of the night
               It'll all seem alright
               I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

               I'M JUST A
               FROM TRANSEXUAL

               Why don'tcha stay for the night        (Servants - "night")
               Or maybe a bite                  (Servants - "bite")
               I could show you my favourite obsession
               I've been making a man
               With blond hair and a tan
               and he's good for relieving my tension.

               I'M JUST A
               FROM TRANSEXUAL

               I'M JUST A
               FROM TRANSEXUAL

                         * * * * * *

               So come up to the lab
               and see what's on the slab
               I see you shiver with anticipation
               But maybe the rain
               Is really to blame
               So I'll remove the cause but not the symptom

                         (FRANK exits.

                         The SERVANTS undress JANET and
                         BRAD.  They are reduced to 50's

BRAD:               (aside to JANET)  It's all right, Janet, everything's
               gonna be all right we'll just play along for now - and
               we'll pull out the aces when the time is right.

JANET:               This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure
               we'll be alright?

BRAD:               I'm sure, Janet.  (to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and
               RIFF RAFF)   Uh.  Hi, there - I'm Brad Majors,
               this is Janet Weiss - my fiance'e - You are...

COLUMBIA:          You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's
               laboratory, a lot of people would give their right
               arm for the privilege.

BRAD:               People like you maybe.

COLUMBIA:          I've seen it.

JANET:               Is he... is Frank... your husband?

RIFF RAFF:          The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever
               will be - we are simply his servants.

JANET:               Then he's very lucky.

MAGENTA:          Yeah - you're lucky - I'm lucky - he's lucky
               we're all lucky...

COLUMBIA:          All except Eddie.

MAGENTA:          SSHHH!!!

JANET:               Eddie?

MAGENTA:          The delivery boy.

RIFF RAFF:          SSHHH!!!

COLUMBIA:          His delivery wasn't good enough.

RIFF RAFF:          The master only wanted to help the boy better his

BRAD:               That's very commendable...

RIFF RAFF:          Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went...

JANET:               Where?

RIFF RAFF:          To pieces.

                         (MAGENTA, COLUMBIA and RIFF
                         RAFF sing)

RIFF RAFF:          It's astounding - Time is fleeting
               Madness takes its toll
               But listen closely - not for very much longer
               I've got to keep control.
               I remember doing the time warp
               Drinking those moments when
               The Blackness would hit me - The void would be

ALL:               Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)

(MR. BASSMAN):          It's just a jump to the left

ALL:               And then a step to the right

NARRATOR:          With your hands on your hips

ALL:               You bring your knees in tight

TRIO:               But it's the pelvic thrust
               That starts to drive you insane

ALL:               Let's do the time warp again (twice)

MAGENTA:          It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me
               So you can't see me - no not at all
               In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention
               Well secluded - I'll see all
               With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the
               time slip
               Nothing can ever be the same
               You're spaced out on sensation
               Like you're under sedation

               Let's do the time warp again (twice)

                         (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF make an
                         extraterrestial sign to each other)

COLUMBIA:          Well I was walking down the street
               Just having a think
               When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
               Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
               He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes
               Oh - he stared at me and I felt a change
               Time meant nothing - never would again

ALL:               Let's do the time warp again (twice)

               CHORUS REPEAT

                         (COLUMBIA dances to half a verse
                         of "Time Warp" as sung by other two)

ALL:               Let's do the Time Warp again (twice)

               REPEAT CHORUS.

                    SCENE FOUR

                    The laboratory.

FRANK:               Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - it's the same as
               the beginning of the end - do you follow?

JANET:               No.

BRAD:               It's an anagram, Janet.

FRANK:               I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.

BRAD & JANET:          No.

FRANK:               No.  You're right I won't - how delightful to have
               fresh faces around.  Magenta - Columbia - go and
               assist Riff Raff - I will entertain - Ahh.

BRAD:               Brad Majors.

FRANK:               Brad Majors.

BRAD:               And this is my fiance'e Janet Weiss.

JANET:               Weiss.

BRAD:               Weiss.

FRANK:               Enchante'.  How nice - and what charming underclothes
               you both have - but here, put these on.  Oh but here.
               Thank you thing.

                         (He hands them robes)

               It'll make you feel less vulnerable.  We don't often
               receive visitors here, let alone show them

BRAD:               Hospitality!  All we wanted was to use your phone,
               a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.

JANET:               Don't be ungrateful, Brad.

BRAD:               Ungrateful!!

FRANK:               How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example
               of manhood - so dominant - you must be very proud,

JANET:               Yes.

FRANK:               Tell me Brad, do you have any tattoos?

BRAD:               Certainly not.

FRANK:               Oh well... (to JANET)  How about you?

                         (Enter RIFF RAFF)

RIFF RAFF:          Everything is in readiness master, we merely
               wait for you to give the word.

FRANK:               Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine...

JANET:               Oh how wonderful for you.

FRANK:               It was strange the way it happened
               one of those quirks of fate really
               one of those moments when...
               Everything looks black the chips are down
               Your back is against the wall
               You panic - you're trapped - there's no
               way out and even if there was it would
               probably be a one way ticket
               to the bottom of the bay.  And then
               suddenly you get a break - all the pieces
               seem to fit into place - what a sucker
               you'd been - what a fool - the answer
               was there all the time - it took a small
               accident to make it happen.

ALL:               (look at FRANK in blank amazement)

FRANK:               An accident, (MAGENTA and COLUMBIA repeat
               "accident")  Oh God, that's how I discovered the
               secret - that elusive ingredient - that spark that is
               the breath of life.  Yes - I have that knowledge I
               hold the key to life itself you see Brad and Janet you
               are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful
               creature is destined to be born...
               Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator
               and then step the reactor power input up three
               more points...

JANET:               Brad!!

BRAD:               It's alright, Janet.

ROCKY:               The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
               And I've got the feeling someone's
               Going to be cutting the thread
               Oh woe is me - my life is a misery
               Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
               of a pretty big downer

               I woke up this morning with a start when
               I fell out of the bed.

ALL:               That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:               And left from my dreaming was a feeling
               of unamiable dread.

ALL:               That ain't no crime.
               My high is low - I'm dressed up with no place
               to go and all I know is I'm at the
               start of a pretty big downer.

ROCKY:               (That ain't no crime)
                                        Oh no no no no

ALL:               (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)

ROCKY:               (That ain't no crime)
                                        Oh no no no no

ALL:               (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
               (That ain't no crime)

NARRATOR:          Rocky Horror you need peace of mind - and I want
               to tell you that you're doing just fine
               You're the product of another time and
               feeling down well that's no crime.

ALL:               That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:               The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head

ALL:               That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:               And I've got the feeling someone's going
               be cutting the thread.

ALL:               That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:               Oh woe is me - my life is a mystery
               Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
               of a pretty big downer.
               (That ain't no crime)
                                        Oh no no no no
               (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)

FRANK:               Well really - that's no way to behave on your
               first day out.

ROCKY:               Well nobody's perfect - But I do think
               you made a pretty good job of the body work.

FRANK:               You are the result of may hours of toil - and now
               my beautiful creature you're ready for the ultimate

ROCKY:               Oh dear.

FRANK:               But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky.

MAGENTA:          Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:               Hello Magenta.

FRANK:               Riff Raff - Rocky.

RIFF RAFF:          Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:               Hello Riff Raff.

FRANK:               Columbia - Rocky.

COLUMBIA:          Hello Rocky.

ROCKY:               Hello Columbia.

FRANK:               Hello.  Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think?

JANET:               I don't like men with too many muscles.

FRANK:               I didn't make him for you dear.

               He carries the Charles Atlas seal of
               approval -
               A weakling weighing 98 pounds
               Got sand in his face when kicked to the
               His girl split on him
               And soon in the gym
               The sweat from his pores
               As he worked for his cause
               Made him glisten and gleam
               And with massage and steam
               He was thin but quite clean
               He was in good shape

ALL:               But the wrong shape

FRANK:               He ate nutritious High-Protein
               And swallowed raw eggs
               Tried to build up his shoulders,
               His chest, arms and legs
               Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan

ALL:               In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:               He'd done press ups and chin ups
               Clean and jerked.  Done the Snatch
               Thought dynamic tension must be a catch
               So he re-read the advert to see how it ran

ALL:               In just seven days I can make you a man.

                         (A large container 6'6" - 7' high -
                         4.5' wide resembling a 1940's fridge
                         with the "Eddie" air-brushed on the
                         door becomes lit - the door opens
                         - "Eddie" appears.

COLUMBIA:          Eddie.

                         He is battered and shows the
                         occasional seam, wearing extremely
                         thick crepe soled shoes, (black
                         leather drainpipes, skin tight) -
                         drape coat - no tie, open necked.
                         (Must hint of Frankenstein's Monster)
                         Clothes mustn't look new.  INTO -

EDDIE:               Whatever happened to Saturday night
               When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
               It don't seem the same since cosmic light
               Came into my life and I thought I was divine
               I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
               And listen to the music on the radio
               A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show
               And you climbed in the back and you really had
               A good time

ALL:               Hot Patootie bless my soul
               I really love that Rock and Roll (four times)

EDDIE:               My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt
               My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
               I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when
               I'd melt
               And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was
               Get back in front and put some hair oil on
               Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
               With your arm round your girl you'd try to
               sing along
               You felt pretty good cause you'd really had
               A good time.

ALL:               Hot Patootie bless my soul
               I really love that Rock and Roll.  (Repeat 8 times)

                         (EDDIE exits back into the container)

FRANK:               One from the vaults.

ROCKY:               How can you keep him around.  He's so ugly.

FRANK:               A certain naive charm
               But no muscle
               We had a mental relationship -
               But a deltoid and a bicep
               A hot groin and a tricep
               Makes me shake
               Makes me want to take
               Charles Atlas by the hand.
ALL:               In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:               I don't want no dissension
               Just dynamic tension

JANET:               I'm a muscle fan.

ALL:               In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK:               Dig it if you can.

ALL:               In just seven days I can make you a man.


NARRATOR:          There are those who say that life is an illusion -
               And reality as we know it, is merely a figment of
               our imaginations.  If this is so, Brad and Janet are
               quite safe.  But - there are some who have a far
               more physical philosophy - those who would stop at
               nothing to satisfy their base desires -
               It could be that Brad and Janet are among those who
               hold the devil's reins.

                    SCENE FIVE

                    "JANET'S ROOM"

                    Voices in BLACKOUT.

JANET'S:          Oh Brad - Oh yes - Yes my darling -
               What if..
BRAD'S:               It's all right Janet - everything's going to be all

JANET'S:          Oh I hope so my darling.  I'm so fri...

                         (Lights UP)


FRANK:               I'm afraid so Janet but wasn't it nice...

JANET:               You beast - you monster - what have you done with

FRANK:               Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?

JANET:               You tricked me - I wouldn't have - I've never -

FRANK:               I know - but it wasn't all bad was it?
               Not really even half bad - in fact, I think perhaps
               you found it quite - pleasurable - Mmm - so soft
               so - sensual.

JANET:               Ahh - no - stop - I mean help - I - Brad - Ohhhh -

FRANK:               Shhh.  Brad's probably asleep by now - do you
               wan't him to see you like this.

JANET:               Like this?  Like how?  It's your fault you're to
               blame... I was - saving my self.

FRANK:               Well I'm sure you're not spent yet and it was an
               enjoyable experience was it not?

                         (Lights DIM)

               You did like it didn't you.  There's no crime in
               giving yourself over to pleasure - is there?
               We could try for an action replay - Oh Janet
               you've wasted so much time already - Brad needn't
               know.  I won't tell him, Mmmm.


JANET:               Are you sure you won't tell him.  Ohhh...

                         SCENE SIX

                         "BRAD'S ROOM"

                         Voices in BLACKOUT.

JANET'S:          Oh Brad - Oh yet - Yes my darling.

BRAD'S:               It's all right Janet everything's going to be all

JANET'S:          I hope so my darling.

                         (Lights UP)

BRAD:               You!

FRANK:               I'm afraid so Brad - but wasn't it nice.

BRAD:               Why you - What have you done with Janet?

FRANK:               Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?

BRAD:               You tricked me, I wouldn't have - I've never -

FRANK:               I know - but it wasn't all bad was it?  Not really
               even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite
               pleasurable - Oh so soft - so sensual.

BRAD:               Ah.  No - stop.  I mean - Janet - Ohh Janet.

FRANK:               Shhh - Janet's probably asleep by now - Do you
               want her to see you like this?

BRAD:               Like this - Like how - It's your fault.  You're
               to blame - I thought it was the real thing.

FRANK:               A bottle of coke?  Oh come on Brad admit it.  It
               was enjoyable wasn't it?  You liked it didn't you?
               There's no crime in giving yourself over to
               pleasure - is there?

                         (Lights DIM)

               We could try for an action replay.  Oh Brad you've
               wasted so much time already - Janet needn't know.
               I won't tell her - Mmm...


BRAD:               Are you sure you won't tell her - Ohhh...

RIFF RAFF:          (on intercom)  Master - The labooratory is empty.
               Rocky has vanished - the new playmate is loose
               and somewhere in the building.

FRANK:               Oh - Wow - What a - Mmm - Oh - Coming.

                    SCENE SEVEN

                    Laboratory.  Enter JANET.

JANET:               What's happening here - Where's Brad? - Where's
               anybody?  If only we hadn't made this journey - if
               only the car hadn't broken down - if only we were
               amongst friends or sane persons.

NARRATOR:          "If" and "only" - two small words - words that kept
               repeating themselves again and again in Janet's
               thoughts - but it was too late to go back now - it
               were as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it
               would be folly to fight against it - her only chance
               would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also -

                         (Enter ROCKY)

ROCKY:               Oh!  It's you - look I'm trying to hide from my
               creator and his minion - they scare me - I feel
               that all is not well here.  I have been thinking a
               lot about - (Eddie) I have a feeling of foreboding.

JANET:               It's all like some terrible dream.

ROCKY:               Is it true you don't like men with too many muscles?

JANET:               Well...

ROCKY:               Have you got any lip gloss?

JANET:               I'm engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was
               to Ralf Hapshatt.  But Frank's kisses overwhelmed
               me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before -
               hot burning kisses - I could see Brad's face before
               me, and my mind screamed - No!! - but my lips
               were hungry, too hungry - I wanted to be loved,
               and loved completely - my body throbbed excitedly -
               Oh Brad, Brad my darling how could I have done
               this to you.
ROCKY:               This room is a womb to me.

JANET:               Yes - there you see, it's instinctive - you returned
               here for one thing - security.  Oh where's Brad -

                         (She fiddles with TV monitor)

               What have they done with him?

NARRATOR:          Janet's feelings ran wild as she frantically manipu-
               lated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor - The
               screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors -
               finally she stopped - at Frank's bedroom.
               (sees FRANK kissing BRAD)  Aaahhh!!

ROCKY:               Oh you can't rely on anyone.
JANET:               Oh Brad! - how could you?

NARRATOR:          If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a
               sexual indiscretion - it ould seem logical that the
               transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved
               one caught in a similar misdemeanour - But emotion
               is an irrational and powerful master - and from what
               Janet witnessed on the monitor - there seemed little
               doubt that she was indeed its slave.

JANET:               I was feeling done in
               Coudn't win
               I'd only ever kissed before
               I thought there's no use getting
               into heavy petting
               It only leads to trouble
               And seat wetting.

               Now all I want to know
               Is how to go
               I've tasted blood and I want more
               I'll put up no resistance
               I want to stay the distance
               I've got an itch to scratch
               And I need assistance

CHORUS:               Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a - Touch me.
               I want to be dirty
               Thrill me chill me fulfil me
               Creature of the night.

               Then if anything grows
               When you pose
               I'll oil you up and rub you down
               And that's just one small fraction
               Of the main attraction
               You need a friendly hand
               And I need action.


               (CHORUS.  After Janet has sung it at least once
               by herself, ROCKY comes in with ("Hot Patootie
               Bless My Soul, I Really Love that Rock and Roll")
               and sings it against Touch-a Touch-a etc.)


                         SCENE EIGHT

RIFF RAFF:          Aaaggghhh - Mercy!

FRANK:               (with whip) How did it happen - I understood you
               were to be watching.

RIFF RAFF:          I was only away for a moment.

FRANK:               See if you can find him on the monitor.

                         (Click - Brad's empty room -
                         switch - switch - switch -
                         Janet's room)

FRANK:               Oh Bradlette

RIFF RAFF:          I've located him in the female's quarters, Master.

FRANK:               Rocky!!

BRAD:               Janet!!  How could she.  That's it - it's over.

NARRATOR:          Over!  What was over?  Not the night that was
               certain.  Brad and Janet's engagement?  Their love
               for one another?  Who could say - for questions such
               as these are not to be answered by the academic
               they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad
               you may be sure, had plenty of heart.

BRAD:               Once in a while
               She don't want to call you
               Speaking on the telephone
               And once in your life
               She won't want to know you
               You look around
               The one you found she is gone

               And that's all the time
               That it takes
               For a heart to turn to stone
               The sweeter the wine
               The harder to make the break
               You hear someting
               About someone you thought you'd known

               So baby don't cry
               Like there's no tomorrow
               After the night there's brand new day
               And there'll be no pain
               And no more sorrow
               So wash your face
               And phone my place.  It'll be okay.

               And that's all the time
               That it takes
               For a heart to beat again
               So give me a sign
               That a lover makes
               You look around the one
               Found is back again...

FRANK:               How maudlin - how pathetic - Your baggage has
               dared to defile my beautiful creature - oh Rocky
               how could you.

                         (Static - on monitor - outside -
                         a figure creeping toward hidden

RIFF RAFF:          Master - we have a visitor

BRAD:               Great Scott - Scotty - Dr. Evrett Scott.

RIFF RAFF:          You know this earth - this person?

BRAD:               Yes, I do he's an old friend of mine.

FRANK:               I see - so this wasn't simply a chance meeting -
               you came here with a purpose.

BRAD:               That's not true - my car broke down - I told you.

FRANK:               I know what you told me, Brad - but this Dr.
               Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

BRAD:               He was a science teacher at Denton High.

FRANK:               And he now works for your Government -
               doesn't he, Brad?  He's attached to the bureau
               of the investigation of that which you call
               U.F.O's - that's right, isn't it, Brad?

BRAD:               He might be - I don't know.

RIFF RAFF:          The intruder is entering the building, Master.

FRANK:               Ah he's in the Zen room.  Seal off all exits - and all
               doors - except for those that lead here -
               Riff Raff - bring Rocky and Janet here - I think we
               should make this a social occasion.  The three
               unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor
               show - which I shall direct.

                    SCENE NINE

                    Enter DOCTOR SCOTT in wheelchair
                    COLUMBIA pushing him.

COLUMBIA:          Hi - Ho - Silver.

BRAD:               Dr. Scott!

SCOTTY:               Brad - what are you doing here?

FRANK:               Don't play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your
               plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female
               should check the layout for you - unfortunately for
               you all there is to be a change of plans - I'm sure
               you're adaptable, Dr. Scott - I know Brad is.

SCOTTY:               I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes
               as a complete surprise to me.  As does the set up
               you have here - I didn't exptct it to be quite so...

FRANK:               Sophisticated - Dr. Scott?  Or should I say Dr. Von

BRAD:               What exactly are you implying?

SCOTTY:               That's alright, Brad... Ah - this machine here...

BRAD:               What do you think it is, Doc?

SCOTTY:               At this precise moment it's hard to tell - but it
               seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth
               - I would say that it was from another planet.

                         (Doors OPEN.  Enter JANET)

JANET:               Dr. Scott!!

SCOTTY:               Janet!

FRANK:               Rocky!

ROCKY:               Piss off.

FRANK:               Listen - I made you and I can break you just as
               easily - I'll pull your plug out

SCOTTY:               I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with

COLUMBIA:          Eddie!

RIFF RAFF:          Sshhh.

BRAD:               Eddie - I've seen him, he looks terrible.

FRANK:               What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

SCOTTY:               I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things -
               you see Eddie happened to be my nephew.

BRAD:               Dr. Scott!

SCOTTY:               Yes, Brad - my sister's boy.  I knew he was in with
               a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined - aliens.
BRAD:               Tell them, Doc.

SCOTTY:               From the day he was born, he was trouble
               He was the thorn in his mother's side.
               She tried in vain,

NARRATOR:          But he never caused her nothing but pain.

SCOTTY:               He left home the day she died.
               From the day she was gone
               All he wanted
               Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike.
               Shootin' up junk,

NARRATOR:          He was a low down cheap little punk.

SCOTTY:               Taking everyone for a ride.

CHORUS:               When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,
               You knew he was a no good kid.
               When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife,

FRANK:               What a guy.
JANET:               Made you cry.

SCOTTY:               And I did.

NELL:               Everybody shoved him.
               I very nearly loved him.
               I say hey listen to me
               Stay sane inside insanity.
               But he shut the door and threw away the key.

SCOTTY:               But he must have been drawn in to something.
               Making him warn me in a note which read

ALL:               What's it say, What's it say.

SCOTTY:               I'm out of my head.

NARRATOR:          Hurry or I may be dead.

SCOTTY:               They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.



FRANK:               What a guy,

JANET:               Made you cry,

SCOTTY:               And I did.


FRANK:               Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him.  (He
               pulls out a bag of blood and gore)  His destiny is in
               the bag.

MAGENTA:          I'll put him down the waste disposal.

FRANK:               Clever girl.

BRAD:               Why you...

FRANK:               (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all.

JANET:               My feet - there's something wrong with my feet.

SCOTTY:               My wheels!  My God, I can't move my wheels.

BRAD:               It's as if we were glued to the spot.

FRANK:               You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools - O.K.
               it's startime - Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on
               programme 8 secure all levels at zero -

MAGENTA:          Relax.

SCOTTY:               You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that
               you imagine - this sonic transducer!  It is I suppose
               some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular
               transport device!

FRANK:               You'd better believe it, baby.

BRAD:               You mean...?

SCOTTY:               Yes, Brad - it's something we ourselves have been
               working on.  But it seems our friend here has found
               a way of perfecting it - a device that is capable of
               breaking down solid matter and then projecting it
               through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.

JANET:               You're going to send us to another planet?

FRANK:               Planet - Shmanet Janet
               Tell you once
               Won't tell you twice
               You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

               Y'apple pie
               Don't taste too nice
               You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

               I've laid the seed
               It should be all you need
               You're as sensual
               As a pencil
               Wound up like an 'E' or first string
               When we made it
               Did ja hear a bell ring?

               Y' got a block
               Take my advice
               You'd better wise up Janet Weiss

               The transducer
               Will seduce yah
               It's something you'll get used to
               A mental mind-fuck can be nice

               You'd better wise up - Janet Weiss
               You'd better wise up
               Build your thighs up
               You'd better wise up

NARRATOR:          And then she cries out.

JANET:               Stop!!

FRANK:               Don't get hot and flustered
               Use a bit of mustard.

(Voices building)     *You're a hot dog
               But you'd better not try to hurt her
               Frank Furter

               (* This keeps repeating and one by one they
               are released by FRANK signalling MAGENTA
               to pull the switch - in turn they make for
               FRANK and are sprayed by RIFF RAFF and
               become drugged.  He rushes them into the transducer

                         (MAGENTA keeps singing
                         after everyone else has stopped)

FRANK:               Magenta, relax.

                         (RIFF RAFF sprays her)

               Columbia - The artistes are in a molecular
               state somewhere between entrance and exit.
               (RIFF RAFF sprays her)  When they've pulled
               themselves together - see that they are
               prepared for the floorshow.

COLUMBIA:          Oh Wow - I can dig it - much - far out - what a
               gas - that's groovy - I'm hip, man - it's like a
               trip - oh nice one - freak out baby - dig you later.

FRANK:               It's not easy having a good time - even smiling
               makes my face ache - and my children turn on
               me - Rocky's behaving just as Eddie did - maybe
               I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the
               two of them.

MAGENTA:          When do we return to Transalvania? - I grow weary
               of this world.

FRANK:               Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your
               brother Riff Raff - you have both served me well -
               loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you
               will discover that when the mood takes me, I can
               be quite generous.

MAGENTA:          I ask for nothing, Master.

FRANK:               And you shall receive it in abundance - come - our
               guests will be growing restless. (exits)

                         (MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF look
                         at one another - they make an
                         extraterrestial sign.  EXIT)

NARRATOR:          And so, by some extraordinary coincidence - fate
               it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should
               keep that appointment with their friend Dr. Evrett
               Scott.  But, it was to be in a situation which none
               of them could have possibly foreseen - And, just a
               few hours after announcing their engagement Brad
               and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit - This in
               itself was proof that their host was a man of little
               morals and some persuasion -

               What further indignities were they to be subjected
               to... ? - And what of the sonic transducer and the
               floorshow that had been spoken of? - What indeed? -
               From what had gone before it was clear that this
               was to be no picnic.

                         SCENE TEN

                         Each enters singly - wearing black
                         stocking and suspenders and black
                         underwear and finally they become
                         a slow-motion chorus line.

COLUMBIA:          It was great
               When it all began
               I was a regular Franky Fan
               But it was over when he had the plan
               To start working on a muscle-man
               Now the only thing that gives me hope
               Is my love of a certain dope
               Rose tints my world keeps me
               Safe from my trouble and pain.

ROCKY:               I'm just seven hours old
               Truly beautiful to behold
               And somebody should be told
               My libido hasn't been controlled
               Now the only thing I've come to trust
               Is an orgasmic rush of lust
               Rose tints my world keeps me
               Safe from my trouble and pain.

BRAD:               It's beyond me
               Help me mommy
               I'll be good you'll see
               Take this dream away
               What's this, let's see
               I feel sexy
               What's come over me
               Here it comes again

JANET:               I feel released
               Bad times deceased
               My confidence has increased
               Reality is here
               The game has been disbanded
               My mind has been expanded
               It's a gas that Frankie's landed
               His lust is so sincere
FRANK:               What ever happened to Fay Wray
               That delicate satin draped frame
               As it clung to her thigh
               How I started to cry
               For I wanted to be dressed just the same.

               Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
               Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
               Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
               And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -
               Can't you just see it.

               Don't dream it - Be it

               Don't dream it - Be it

               Don't dream it - Be it

                         (This continues fading slowly and
                         through this comes SCOTTY's
                         thoughts - as he sings, the blanket
                         reveals his stocking-clad legs)

SCOTTY:               Hmm.. We've got to get out of this trap
               Before this decadence saps our wills
               I've got to be strong and try to hang on
               Or my mind may well snap
               And my life will be lived for the thrills

BRAD:               It's beyond me
               Help me mommy
JANET:               God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

FRANK:               (screaming) MY MY MY MY

               I'm a wild and an untamed thing
               I'm a bee with a deadly sting
               Get a hit, and your mind goes ping
               Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
               So let the party and the sounds rock on
               Gonna shake it till the life has gone
               Rose tint my world
               Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.     

                         (They all sing "We're a wild and
                         an untamed thing" - right through

                         RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA enter
                         dressed in extraterrestial
                         national costume)

RIFF RAFF:          Frank n Furter
               It's all over
               Your mission is a failure
               Your life style's too extreme
               I'm your new commander
               You now are my prisoner
               We return to Transalvania
               Prepare the transit beam.

                         (ALL freeze)

FRANK:               Wait - I can explain

                         (He is left alone)

               On the day I went away

ALL:               Goodbye

FRANK:               Was all I had to say

ALL:               Now I

FRANK:               Want to come again and stay
ALL:               Oh my

FRANK:               Smile and that will mean I may

               I've seen blue skies
               Throught the tears in my eyes
               And I realise I'm going home

               Everywhere it's been the same

ALL:               Feeling

FRANK:               Like I'm outside in the rain
ALL:               Wheeling

FRANK:               Free to try and find a game

ALL:               Dealing

FRANK:               Cards for sorrow cards for pain

               I've seen blue skies
               Through the tears in my eyes
               And I realise - I'm going home
               I'm going home
               I'm going home

                    SCENE ELEVEN

MAGENTA:          How sentimental.

RIFF RAFF:          And also presumptious of you - you see when I said
               `we' were to return I referred only to Magenta and
               myself - I'm sorry however if you found my words
               misleading - you see you are to remain here - in
               spirit anyway -

                         (He produces a ray gun)

SCOTTY:               Great heavens - that's a laser.

RIFF RAFF:          Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam
               of pure anti-matter.
BRAD:               You mean you're going to kill him? - What's his crime.
FRANK:               Oh Brad.

SCOTTY:               You saw what had become of Eddie - Society must
               be protected.
RIFF RAFF:          Exactly, Dr Scott - Now Frank-n-Furter, your time
               has come - say goodbye to all this - and hello to

FRANK:               Do your worst - inferior one.
COLUMBIA:          No!!  No!!

                         (She throws herself between
                         RIFF RAFF and FRANK - BLATTT -
                         She and FRANK are both killed.

                         ROCKY bellows and beats his chest,
                         picks up FRANK.  RIFF RAFF fires
                         again and again until finally ROCKY
                         dies.  Spectacularly)

BRAD:               Good God.

RIFF RAFF:          Yes.

JANET:               You've killed them.

MAGENTA:          I thought you liked them - they liked you.

RIFF RAFF:          (screams) They didn't like me - They never liked
               me.  You saw the way things were - the way they were
SCOTTY:               You did right.

RIFF RAFF:          A decision had to be made.

SCOTTY:               You're O.K. by me.

RIFF RAFF:          Dr. Scott I'm sorry about our nephew.

SCOTTY:               Yes - perhaps it's for the best.

RIFF RAFF:          You should leave now, Dr. Scott
               While it is still possible
               We are about to beam the entire house
               Back to the planet of transexual
               In the galaxy of Transalvania
               Go now -

                         (RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA look at one
                         another.  They start to laugh quietly -
                         it builds)

MAGENTA:          I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs -
               (they laugh louder)

RIFF RAFF:          No matter, Magenta - activate the transit crystal.

BRAD:               I've done a lot
               God knows I've tried
               To find the truth
               I've even lied
               But all I know
               Is down inside

ALL:               I'm bleeding

JANET:               And super heroes
               Come to feast
               To taste the flesh
               Not yet deceased
               And all I know
               Is still the beast

ALL:               Is feeding

               Ahh Ahh etc. ...


NARRATOR:          And crawling on the planets face
               Some insects called the human race
               Lost in time
               And lost in space

ALL:               And meaning.

                         (SCOTTY, BRAD and JANET are
                         left alone with nothing
                         but the wind.)



MAGENTA:          (as usherette) Science Fiction - double feature
               Frank has built and lost his creature
               Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
               The servants gone to a distant planet
               Oh - at the late night double feature
               Picture show - I want to go - Ohh -
               To the late night double feature picture show.

                    THE END